Dreams Deferred and where to find them

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Do you have a dream that you’ve wanted since a young age, but you haven’t worked toward it in years? Well, if you haven’t totally given up on it, then it’s not dead.  It’s not a fail. It’s a dream deferred. Welcome aboard. I’ve got one too.

When I was in 6th grade and having some behavioral problems for the first and only time in my school years, I discovered that I love to write and I was pretty good at it. I made it a goal to write a book. I’m 53, and that dream is unfulfilled.  As are the additional dreams that have grown from that first seed.  Writing a book series,  a book in all my favored genres,  a screenplay,  multiple screenplays, a blockbuster movie. My dreams have gotten loftier and more numerous as I’ve experienced life and grown in confidence and ambition.

Yet they are all unfulfilled. I’ve given it much thought over the years and the main reason the above dreams lie dormant, is lack of discipline.  There are many accompanying excuses: no time, no energy, bad jobs sucked my energy away, toxic people sucked my energy away, depression, anxiety, lack of support, lack of direction, not sure how to go about it, health problems, financial insecurity, etc., etc.

Sure, some of these are pretty good excuses and are certainly things that have to be addressed, but did they take ALL of my time and energy? No. Could I have done at least one of these goals despite those things? Yes. But I didn’t .  I’m not beating myself up.  I did have some pretty tough challenges and have been largely on my own. (Partly my own fault for not talking about it to anyone or seeking positive relationships.)

But when it comes down to it, I could have done more writing. I could have chosen a specific goal and kept at it until it was achieved, but I didn’t. Discipline is hard. Damn hard. It’s hard to establish and easily derailed.

Before I completely demoralize you all, let me move on to the positives. As mentioned in my previous post, I’ve been doing a lot of work on several areas of self-improvement. (Discipline is the mode of transportation  to an improved self.) I’ve been working out and am already in the best shape I’ve been since at least 40.  I’m getting better with punctuality (again) and I’ve been really good about doing a daily devotional time where I read some in my Bible and read from a spiritual, but not religious devotional book. (Journey to the Heart), writing in my journal, and restarting my blog. While I haven’t gotten back into a project of writing, all of these efforts take discipline to do and help me to be more disciplined overall.

Discipline begets discipline. That’s something I learned years ago. Unfortunately, it works in the reverse as well. The more you slack in one area, the easier it is to let something else slide. Well, I’m on  an uptick now and I plan to keep it going. So, as I journey back to a higher plane of living, I think I’ll find that place where my deferred dreams lie fallow. I don’t remember where or when I laid them down.  We never do, do we? But the good news is, you will inevitably find them as you merge back into that lane of action, discipline, and hope that will carry you toward your destination.

Mark = Strong Defender

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I’m using the Word press prompt for the first time. The meaning of my name according to a bookmark I got in Sunday school as a child and still have in my Bible, is “strong defender”. I’ve seen variations of this in many different sources but that seems to be the general consensus.

I think it’s fitting because I’m blessed with an abundance of inner strength that has gotten me through many tough times and helped me be fiercely independent and relentlessly resilient. (a little alliteration, lol)

The defender part of the bookmark’s definition fits too because I’ve always been more prone to defend than to criticize. I’m also slow to be judgmental. ( Most of the time. I’m only human. ) I’ve often stood up for people when others are putting them down or even ganging up on one member of a group in fun.

I’m a very loyal friend/brother/son/classmate/employee/etc. It’s interesting that the Scottish coat of arms for my grandmother’s maiden name bears the motto “This I’ll Defend.” Another defensive strength reference.

I hope I can continue to find the strength to be positive and defensive of humanity these next few years. I’m definitely going to call out injustice where I see it but also keep seeing and writing about the good in this world. I promise to try. I hope that change and possible turmoil brings us closer together rather than further divide us, as we realize we’re all in this together. We’re all just trying to get by, to love and be loved and have a little fun when we can.

Let’s try not to lose sight of that.

Daily writing prompt
Write about your first name: its meaning, significance, etymology, etc.
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On the Eve of Doom

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On the eve of a very, very dark day in American history, the second inauguration of Donald f—king Trump, I find it necessary to make this post about things I’ve gradually come to realize over the last 5+ years. Trump is the front man for the extreme right, led by a handful of the One Percent. (Not all of them. It only takes a small number of people with that kind of wealth and influence. After all, a single CIA agent brought about the overthrow of the Shah of Iran and the Iranian Revolution in the late 70’s. He wasn’t wealthy but had the security clearance and resources of a CIA agent. Think what a group of mega billionaires could do with a network of corrupt officials on their payroll.)

The FBI warned us about  increasing right wing extremism after Jan. 6, 2021. The warning was a bit late, I’d say, but that’s not surprising since Trump had control of the Justice Department for four years at that point.  The far right are the perpetrators of many harmful and twisted schemes.  Their victims are called targeted individuals and the methodology they use is called gang stalking.  I know because I’m  one of the targets.  I’ve been aware of it for at least four  years now.  It started about ten years ago.  Actually, it may have started more than 30 years ago!

The perps are very cowardly and covert.  They do harm to people just because they’re told slander about them by their organizers.  In their warped and feeble minds, they may actually believe that they’re the good guys!  Many of them are Q-anon Theory-adhering  fools.  The far right Q-anon conspiracy theory says that liberals are running human trafficking, sex trafficking, and drug trafficking networks and producing child pornography, and it even goes so far as to claim that they drink the blood of children! Tens of millions of people are accepting such nonsense.

When I first read about the Q-anon theoy, I assumed it was just complete fiction made up by far right nut jobs, but the more I learn about them, I can only assume that those claiming that this is happening are actively engaged in such activities themselves. Indeed, there have already been incidents of law enforcement busting human trafficking rings, like a large one in Ohio last year.  (The incoming VP’s state.)  Trump and the far right always accuse others of the very things they themselves are doing.  It’s known as projection.  Putin and other despots do it as well as Trump.

Trump was buddies with Epstein who died in prison during Trump’s first term.  Virtually no one believed that it was suicide.  There are many conspiracy theories surrounding his death,  but the only one that makes sense to me is that he was silenced so that he couldn’t give away Trump’s connection to the human trafficking and sexual exploitation of minors which was Epstein’s trademark.

Then you have Matt Gaetz who was Trump’s first choice out of anyone in the country, to be Attorney General, head of the Justice Department and top law enforcement official in the nation!  Gaetz was under investigation for sex trafficking and, hooking up with prostitutes and illicit drug use when he resigned from the Senate.  Q-anon nonsense says there’s going to be a large roundup of these alleged liberal networks.  I believe the far right will use the exposure of these networks (their own)  to frame their political enemies  and  hand-picked targets  as an excuse to institute martial law, or at least to expand the government’s power to surveil, search and “inivestigate’ U. S. citizens without cause, much like the Patriot Act did, but much more aggressively.

 Gaetz has probably been involved with the Q-anon activities for years. Who better to frame innocent people for the extreme right’s activities than one of the organizers? Gaetz knows who they have been setting up as scapegoats.  Now he’ll have to do it indirectly by telling Pam Bondi, another Trump loyalist, who to go after.

After that, Trump may even try to suspend the Constitution and eventually rewrite the Constitution, a long time dream of the far right,  with a Constitutional Convention.  That will be the end of the U. S. as we know it. This isn’t just waiting out four years.  Trump and the far right and a few one percenters are playing for keeps.

Trump’s army (TRASH –  Trump’s Radicalized Army of Sadistic Haters) have been carrying out many criminal activities for years to pay for their agenda, and to bribe officials, pay their operatives and acquire properties and equipment for their electronic harassment  and much more.  They all use Trump’s methodology , trained as con artists.  Trump is a third generation con man and he invented gang stalking, inspired by his family business and the mobsters he rubbed elbows with :  American, Russian and everything in between.

Next time:  Gang stalking against me goes back at least 30 years, but TRASH’s schemes go back at least 50 years.