Bury the “I Can’ts”

I recently turned to a copy of the classic Chicken Soup for the Soul gotten at a used book sale, for my daily devotions. I recently finished Watching for the Morning which I enjoyed, but I needed something new to start on. Well, it’s not new but new to me since I never read it. I decided to browse through and pick a category rather than just go through it cover to cover.

I landed on Chapter 5: Live Your Dream and this was one of the first few entries, Rest In Peace: The I Can’t Funeral which tells the story of a teacher doing an exercise with her students, from the perspective of an administrator type observing the class. I guess this was pretty innovative in 1980 when the book was written, and still a good lesson, and maybe I’ll actually do the exercise. You make a list of I can’t statements, and then put them in a box and bury them. If you have a safe way to do so, burning the list could be even more satisfying, like in a fire place or fire pit if you have one.

In any case, I was not taught to eliminate I can’t thinking or verbalization when I was a kid, but I think I always had a natural aversion to negative or discouraging thinking. I will be honest in admitting it did get through more often than I would have liked, but I always bounced back quickly when I experienced setbacks or discouragement. Bad things do happen in life, so it’s not about whitewashing. We have to be realistic in facing obstacles and disadvantages before we can rephrase them. Like the kids and teacher in the class. They wrote the I can’t statements. They didn’t just pretend they weren’t there. But then they symbolically buried them and, more importantly, changed their mentality and made an ongoing effort to avoid I can’t statements or attitudes.

The teacher made a paper tombstone with I Can’t on it as a reminder for herself and the students of what they were trying to change and it was always present in the classroom providing a sort of accountablity. The teacher and other students could remind each other of the RIP poster if they forgot and made an I can’t statement.

That’s an important point. We all need accountability and encouragement from others to make positive changes in our lives. We have to make the effort of course, but as the saying goes, “No [one] is an island.” We all need good energy and reinforcement.

Burying I Can’t thinking is only half the battle, though. You need to replace it with a healthier outlook of possibility and determination. The I Can statements. It’s always easier to leave a bad habit behind when you have a good one to take its place Visualization helps like the RIP poster in the classroom. If finishing a big home improvement project is the thing you are trying to say you can instead of you can’t then find a picture of a similar project that’s complete and put it on the wall, or just picture what you want it to look like in your head and keep recalling it.

If writing that novel is the thing you felt like you can’t do, then do a mockup of the cover and put it on your desktop or print it and put it on your mirror where you’ll see it every morning. It’ll make you want to work on it. Have a writer friend act as an accountability partner. Give yourself deadlines for the next chapter or figuring out the ending or whatever. Part of changing your thinking from no can do to it’s happening is breaking it down to manageable bites and making progress to spur you on.

If anyone around you is a naysayer whispering doubt in your ear, ditch them fast! Surround yourself with encouragers and allies. Invite people in who care about you and your goals and dreams. Those are the folks you need in your life. So, once you have the I Can attitude locked in, do everything you can to bring about the result you want and stick with people who are on your side.

Go and do!

All content is original and owned by Mark T. Ritchey and cannot be used without permission.

A Time To Renew

It’s that time of year. There’s the reviews of the previous year and all kinds of talk about resolutions and renewal and restarts. Personally, I haven’t had time to sit and review my previous year, but fortunately, one of my New Year’s resolutions is to write more, including journaling, so I’ll be doing the review thing through my writing. As for the looking ahead, I’ve learned over the last few years to take things a day at a time and live in the moment. I still plan for the future, of course. I contribute to my 401k, have life insurance and all those adult things.  But I don’t think too far ahead at any given moment so I don’t get overwhelmed. You have to take things in bite size chunks.  You also have to be mindful of your environment and really experience life. Enjoy the little things and feel your connection to people and the world around you.  Always make that effort.

Renewal is something I’ve thought about fairly often over the last year or so.  I had a period of renewal about a year and a half ago, but it didn’t seem to last beyond a few months.  That’s mostly due to interference from a group of creeps harassing me, but I’m not going to let that be an excuse or to discourage me. If you encounter opposition in anything you want to do, that obviously will make it harder, but it doesn’t mean it can’t be done. You control how you react to things, even though you can’t control what happens.

It’s easy enough to feel a sense of renewal in the first couple days of a new year or when some sort of reset happens in your life, like a new relationship or friendship, a new job, going back to school, etc. So, how do you find that spirit of rejuvenation at off times? And how do you keep it going? That’s the trick, isn’t it? I hope you won’t be too disappointed when I say that I’ve only found ways that help to bring you back to that periodically, and I don’t have any big secret method to reveal.  But let’s talk about it.  Writing out your thoughts is actually one of the ways I’ve found to help recapture that New Year’s Day determination. Keeping a journal.   I mentioned I wanted to do more of that and I confess I’ve let that fall by the wayside for months now. But now’s the time to start again, at the new year onset. So that’s one thing, journaling. Write out your thoughts and feelings.

Another thing that helps you feel rejuvenated is creativity. Any activity that gets the creative juices flowing is going to give you energy. Whether it’s photography, writing, drawing or dancing in your room like nobody’s watching and really letting loose. I’ve taken many photographs in my life and it engages my mind and my heart. If you play a musical instrument, or if the pen or the keyboard is your instrument, these are ways to let the spirituality of creativity to flow through you. You can’t help but feel the earth’s energy or the energy of a higher plane, even the divine, when you’re creating something. I’ve recently been participating in art therapy workshops with someone I know from my church and her program The Healing Palette hosted at a local art gallery called Soft Machine Gallery. NPR had an article about art therapy just last week, in fact. If anyone in your area offers this, I highly recommend it or find some online resources and give it a try. It really helps process thoughts and emotions, and I think, connects the conscious to the subconscious mind.

 And, I guess, good old talk therapy is another good way to feel renewed or refreshed.  Talking about things with an objective person, or even sometimes just talking with a friend or family member, can help release and process those emotions and swirling thoughts.

Remember to allow new things in to your everyday life. Look for things you haven’t really noticed or paid attention to in places you go. Try to recall details about a doctor’s office, a friend’s house or business after you leave, then see what you missed the next time you’re there. Try to look at things from a new perspective, either figuratively or literally.  Take a different way home from work. Try a different store or restaurant. Try a new recipe or two and add them to your regular rotation, if you like them.

Try a new hobby, or revisit one you dropped due to time constraints, tiredness, or just plain neglect.  There are many reasons we let things we’re interested in doing fall by the wayside and it seems those reasons, or excuses, win over our decision making more easily as we get older. Remember the enjoyment it gave you before when you’re tempted to just veg in front of a screen instead.  Of course, sometimes we just don’t have the same interest in something we once did and that’s okay too. If you try it and it no longer thrills, find a replacement.

You can also change up your environment to help infuse your spirit with newness.  As you put away those decorations, it’s a great time to do a little rearranging or sprucing up.  If you’re like me and your budget limits how much you can do that, then I have two words for you.  Thrift shop! I’m known for my somewhat addictive thrifting. That’s something that’s fun to do with a friend or on your own, even if you don’t make a purchase. I like to find funny items or things that you think, “What were they thinking?” or “No wonder they donated that!”.  See end of post for a few hits and misses. (I didn’t buy the “misses”, just took pics to share.)

Try a different genre in your reading or viewing.  I know people who consume the same kind of entertainment all the time and don’t even glance at anything else. If you don’t like it, then go back to your usual. I remember my 9th grade English teacher would require at least one non-fiction title in our book reports. I didn’t like the idea at first, but then I discovered the true stories that weren’t the dry factual volumes I always thought of when someone said “non-fiction”. I loved Never Cry Wolf and The Dog Who Wouldn’t Be, both by Farley Mowat. I even got a ribbon for the story board poster I did on the latter for our Achievement Fair that year. There’s a reason libraries and book stores have all those shelves and they always stay filled up.

If you like a challenge, try new types of puzzles or word games. If you like games, have a game night and ask your guests to look for new games you can play. (Again, thrift shop!) And when you’re getting together with your friends for game night or whatever, share something new with them and be open for them to reciprocate. Talk to someone new at your job, school, church or business you frequent. The people around you are a constant source of renewal and change. And on that note, be ready for change and embrace it, since it’s an inevitable part of life. Make it a positive, even when it comes with some kind of negative. Balance them out.

So my friends, as the first week of the new year rapidly advances and many are heading back to the normal grind of school and work, remember that renewal and rejuvenation and growth are all things that need constant stirring to keep it fresh. It’s okay that you don’t feel it every day. If you did, it would’t be renewal. Just keep doing anything you can that gives you that metaphorical splash of cold water to the face!

Happy New Year and beyond!

Light Friday Nights

What used to be. What yet might be.

Light and quiet is fine for now for a guy in his mid 50’s. I miss the regular outings of just a few years ago, and the semi regular game nights, and the occasional movie outings, the free outdoor concerts of the summer, and even the Sci-Fi Friday lineup of old with my bro.

Life is always changing. People get busy, change jobs, fall in and out of grace, and grow apart. Going out is also so much more expensive than it used to be. For a while, the thrift shop after work and then my workout in my basement gym followed by grilling and deck time was the routine. Now, it seems no one is available, and I’m too tired to find anything on Netflix. The night falls quickly and my energy fades quicker still.

On the upside, I’m up earlier on Saturday and there’s always something to do with the house if I’m not going out anywhere. And, either Saturday or Sunday is Mom visit day, so the weekend is quickly filled up no matter what.

Sometimes, it feels like a funny magnet I found at a local festival this year: “Another fine day ruined by adulthood.” It’s true that life gets harder and fuller of responsibilities and obligations as you get older, but you also learn that your life and your actions, your thoughts and feelings have intrinsic value even if no one seems to notice or appreciate you. It’s called independence.

It’s harder to get a couple or few friends together when you’re over 40 or over 50, but you value the times you have together, even if they’re less frequent.

Recently, I’ve done things on weeknights which I’ve been avoiding for years since I get up pretty stinking early for work. Turns out, I can still do it. as long as I pace myself through the week. Feel like I need a wink emoji after that. Sounds kind of sad, but I’m making the effort. I’m living my life. I’m still standing and I’m looking ahead while still taking care of the immediacies.

The Holy Spirit, or the Universe, however you think of it, will sustain you as long as you do the best you can and be true to yourself. So keep up the good work, my good folks.