Personal Reflections

Masks

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What is it about Halloween? Some people like it more than Christmas. I’ll never be one of those people, but I can get into some aspects of it now. I still don’t like the the more macabre elements, or the gore, or the creepy crawly decorations. Okay, so I’m not the biggest fan.

I have, however, learned to appreciate the creativity of coming up with a good costume, both the idea and execution thereof.

I made an attempt at a mad scientist get-up for my church Halloween party last weekend. Unfortunately, my enthusiasm and energy kind of fizzled, but I have a lab coat for next year to improve on it. (I still need a crazy wig and beaker to hold dry ice, and a better technique of using charcoal as soot on the lab coat and my face.) I could try again for dress-up day at work on Halloween. We’ll see.

When I was a kid, I didn’t like any costume with a mask. It was probably just uncomfortable, but it was also kind of prophetic.  I didn’t like the idea of pretending to be someone else. Then I did that for years. Actually, it wasn’t so much pretending as it was suppressing who I really am. I still take a long time to open up and get to know people. I think that, even though I’m out to my family and a lot of other people, and made it public on Facebook a few years back, I’m still kind of guarded about being gay. I don’t talk about it at work. Only a few people know there.

I think that creates a barrier that keeps me acting reserved in general because I’m still holding back part of myself in one part of my life. That affects all areas of my life. I totally get that many LGBT people move far from home and start over. It’s easier to be yourself when people have only known you one way.

I don’t plan to come out at work anytime soon, though. There are people I just don’t care to share it with. Some unpleasant people. It’s not that I think they would act with prejudice against me. It’s just none of their business. It’s only a few people. It might seem like I shouldn’t let that stop me, but that’s just where I am right now. I don’t try to hide it. I just don’t talk about it.

Anyway, back to Halloween costumes. If you don one this season, enjoy the time of fun, freeing anonymity, or role playing. See yourself from a different perspective, and if you made the most original, or funniest, or sexiest, or scariest costume, then wear it with pride.

 

Seeking enrichment

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Life can get pretty routine sometimes. Work or school, homework or housework, eat, sleep, repeat. It’s so important to find things to enrich our days. That can be a significant other/spouse, pets, volunteering, a hobby, or a project.

I love playing with my two crazy cats and having them snuggle while I’m watching TV or checking my social media on the laptop. One of them seems to always want to climb on top of me just when I’m ready to settle down to write.  Hey, that’s another enrichment: writing or other creative endeavors. More  importantly, working on long term goals or projects.

Of course, that’s more “work” oriented. You still need something more leisurely or enjoyable in your life. Personally, I find myself doing less of that lately. A friend asked me today if I had done any origami lately. I haven’t. I made a couple birds when I visited with her and my other good friend, her hubby, about a month ago. He’s an artist and did a drawing while we folded. That was the first time I did any paper folding for quite a few years.

I also haven’t taken my camera out too much in recent years. I love photography. I don’t know if it’s just getting older and having less energy, or if it’s depression, or a little of both.  There’s also the lack of time.

The good thing is that I still have interest in these things, so I guess I’m not too depressed. (I have bipolar depression, but take medication for it.) If you don’t know, loss of interest in things you normally enjoy is a sign of serious depression.  I just wanted to throw that in there, since mental health problems often go undiagnosed or untreated.

So, in the spirit of renewal anytime, as I discussed in my last post, I’m going to make more of an effort on all my interests.

Let’s see…. where can I go photoggin’ this weekend?

I’ll let you know.

Carpe diem.

A season for change

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In nature, spring is, of course, the time of renewal.  Trees budding, flowers blooming, wildlife rearing young.  But, for people, we grow up with the new school year starting in fall, going away to college, football season starts, and for many workers, vacations for the year are done and the busy time of year gets underway.

So, I always thought of fall as the time of renewal. Besides school, I started a couple different jobs in the fall, and I moved out on my own for the first time one September.  I tended to seek out new things as autumn moved in. I joined a film making group one fall, started volunteering at an independent film theater another year.

Then, over the years, I started to lose that association of renewal with fall. Any schooling was a distant memory, started my current job in the spring about three and a half years ago. I haven’t really done anything new in the autumn for a long time.

So, while it’s fall now, where I am, maybe the new theme should be renewal anytime. I hope to get my writing back on track now,  not just posting here, but working on writing projects. I’m not working overtime right now since it’s temporarily unavailable. That makes it a good time to renew and get into good habits, so that when I have less time, I can still do what I need to do in my off hours.

In other words, there’s no better time than the present. While it’s okay to associate a certain time with renewing or trying new things, the flip side is that you don’t need to save something special for that time.  Anytime is a great time to grow,  or renew, or branch out, connect or reconnect.

So, wish me luck on my creative endeavors and get busy with your own! Carpe diem!