encouragement

Bury the “I Can’ts”

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I recently turned to a copy of the classic Chicken Soup for the Soul gotten at a used book sale, for my daily devotions. I recently finished Watching for the Morning which I enjoyed, but I needed something new to start on. Well, it’s not new but new to me since I never read it. I decided to browse through and pick a category rather than just go through it cover to cover.

I landed on Chapter 5: Live Your Dream and this was one of the first few entries, Rest In Peace: The I Can’t Funeral which tells the story of a teacher doing an exercise with her students, from the perspective of an administrator type observing the class. I guess this was pretty innovative in 1980 when the book was written, and still a good lesson, and maybe I’ll actually do the exercise. You make a list of I can’t statements, and then put them in a box and bury them. If you have a safe way to do so, burning the list could be even more satisfying, like in a fire place or fire pit if you have one.

In any case, I was not taught to eliminate I can’t thinking or verbalization when I was a kid, but I think I always had a natural aversion to negative or discouraging thinking. I will be honest in admitting it did get through more often than I would have liked, but I always bounced back quickly when I experienced setbacks or discouragement. Bad things do happen in life, so it’s not about whitewashing. We have to be realistic in facing obstacles and disadvantages before we can rephrase them. Like the kids and teacher in the class. They wrote the I can’t statements. They didn’t just pretend they weren’t there. But then they symbolically buried them and, more importantly, changed their mentality and made an ongoing effort to avoid I can’t statements or attitudes.

The teacher made a paper tombstone with I Can’t on it as a reminder for herself and the students of what they were trying to change and it was always present in the classroom providing a sort of accountablity. The teacher and other students could remind each other of the RIP poster if they forgot and made an I can’t statement.

That’s an important point. We all need accountability and encouragement from others to make positive changes in our lives. We have to make the effort of course, but as the saying goes, “No [one] is an island.” We all need good energy and reinforcement.

Burying I Can’t thinking is only half the battle, though. You need to replace it with a healthier outlook of possibility and determination. The I Can statements. It’s always easier to leave a bad habit behind when you have a good one to take its place Visualization helps like the RIP poster in the classroom. If finishing a big home improvement project is the thing you are trying to say you can instead of you can’t then find a picture of a similar project that’s complete and put it on the wall, or just picture what you want it to look like in your head and keep recalling it.

If writing that novel is the thing you felt like you can’t do, then do a mockup of the cover and put it on your desktop or print it and put it on your mirror where you’ll see it every morning. It’ll make you want to work on it. Have a writer friend act as an accountability partner. Give yourself deadlines for the next chapter or figuring out the ending or whatever. Part of changing your thinking from no can do to it’s happening is breaking it down to manageable bites and making progress to spur you on.

If anyone around you is a naysayer whispering doubt in your ear, ditch them fast! Surround yourself with encouragers and allies. Invite people in who care about you and your goals and dreams. Those are the folks you need in your life. So, once you have the I Can attitude locked in, do everything you can to bring about the result you want and stick with people who are on your side.

Go and do!

All content is original and owned by Mark T. Ritchey and cannot be used without permission.

Lifelong target, Part 2

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A few more school bullying incidents have come to mind recently that I feel like sharing now in hopes it helps bring awareness to gangstalking. One was at a second grade assembly where the three classes gathered in one room for a joint assembly as we sometimes did. They would move the desks out of the way and the additional students would sit on the floor in rows. I was settled down on one such occasion talking to my friend when someone did the tap on the shoulder, made you look childish game they did. I can picture how I turned to see which one of the kids in the row behind me had done it. Sometimes I could tell, but the more they did it, the harder it was to determine who the culprit was because the instigator would get more and more kids to participate, so that everyone in the row were all smirking or looking at someone else with the Not Me look or saying the clever, “What?”. I would give up after a few times of this, but they’d always start again a few minutes later or halfway through the assembly if they got bored. Of course, if I had just ignored them and never let them get a rise out of me, they would’ve given up, but I didn’t get that as a kid. I didn’t get the mentality of wanting to torment someone like that. I couldn’t fathom that my annoyance delighted them. I just didn’t think that way. I always wanted to affirm, encourage and include others. Of course, the taunting taps on the shoulder were only a momentary trouble, but the thing that hurt was to have a bunch of kids work together against me. It was the exclusion and disregard for me that was hurtful.

Another time, an older kid on the bus while we were waiting at the school for everyone to get there before the bus headed out, was smacking me on the back of the head right at the soft spot at the crown. He wasn’t trying to fool me about who was doing it. He was just openly bullying me. He was really smacking hard too, and I remember how I felt a little dizzy and kind of reeled a bit for a few seconds before I was even able to turn and say something to him. What struck me, besides his hand, (ha! see what I did there?) was that it seemed as though he was aiming for that particular spot on my head knowing it was a sensitive area and would have that effect. I didn’t think of it at the time, but years later, I thought that someone older had to have told him to try it. They taught him to hit that soft spot to get the desired effect.

Fast forward to tenth grade English class and you’ll see another scene of exclusion. This one didn’t involve any physical attacks, but it was also hurtful. The teacher was lazy and well aware that they couldn’t fire her because she was tenured. (Ironically her name was Firing.) She often just treated her class as a study hall because she hadn’t bothered to do a lesson plan. I often went and sat by my best friend on these do nothing days, but this particular day, I was very tired and not feeling very well physically, probably from my undiagnosed Crohn’s disease. I reviewed my notes for another class that I had a test for, but then I just sat for a while thinking about things. I guess that made it look like I didn’t know what to do with myself socially and the teacher and her pet thought that was pretty funny. I didn’t know they were laughing at me until a popular girl who sat by me in history and often copied my notes and I helped her get ready for tests, came over and told me that’s what they were laughing so hard about. They were making fun of me just because I was sitting there minding my own business. Well, you know what? I didn’t let it get to me. I mean sure it was hurtful at first, but I did go sit with my friend on the next impromptu teacher laziness study hall day. And a cheerleader thought I was cool enough to want to tell me what the mockers were up to. I always had popular people who talked to me. I was one of the top students in the class and I had my small circle of friends. Most people were mature enough to respect that.

The sad thing is that while the rest of us matured and grew in abilities and confidence in life, including some of the participants in the pestering kind of bullying, gangstalkers never grew out of their immature bullying. Unfortunately, their cruel games are not harmless. Instead of pretending not to be involved in pestering by tapping my shoulder from behind like the second graders, these loser sociopaths gang up on a person to disguise who’s turning on electrical field generators nearby and the exact source, so you can’t stop it or sue. And it causes cancer. That’s what electronic harassment is all about!

I rely on God to strengthen and protect me from these childish creeps. My motto for the last seven years now has been, I Will Prevail!

I will keep trying to be a positive influence in the world. I thank God for my writing and photography and many creative abilities.

We the good people, must keep fighting the good fight and encourage one another.

God be with you!

Random Acts of Kindness Anytime

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Photo by James Frid on Pexels.com

I saw on a bulletin board at work earlier this week that it was National Random Acts of Kindness Week.  I can’t point to any specific act I did beyond my normal efforts to be positive, affirming and encouraging to those around me.  So maybe this post is unconsciously an excuse, but I was reflecting yesterday on whether it’s better to do a random act of kindness or to look for ways to do something for the people already in your life, to be helpful and supportive on a regular basis. 

Someone might say that you can do both and it’s not an either/or choice, and then I’d say, Damn you! It’s hard enough to think of blog topics to post about and now you’ve ruined it! So, instead of asking which is better, let’s just explore the topic as a compare and contrast exercise.

The random act of kindness done for a stranger is a good thing and I would never discourage it.  It can be as simple as paying for the person next in line or throwing in the difference if someone comes up short or forgot their wallet. It can be passing on a coupon for something free that you can’t use or giving your extra ticket when someone had to cancel. Or how about discreetly paying for something when you hear a parent saying to a child, we can’t afford it, or buying a meal for a homeless person?

There are plenty of things that don’t involve paying for anything too of course. Helping a senior carry something they’re struggling with, or helping someone reach an item on a high shelf in the store. Giving up your seat for an elderly person or a pregnant mother or someone who just looks unwell or exhausted. All of these things can really lift the spirits of the recipient and they can then pass it on at another time when they’re able and spread goodwill in a world full of chaos and strife. I don’t see any real downside to the random act. I suppose there are times it could backfire if someone takes it as an insult like you think they can’t do it for themselves, but that’s probably rare and it’s their issue.

But what about the people in your life, whether close to you or just on the peripheral of your circle of influence? It’s understandable that we are often more reluctant to step in with those closest to us when we know their faults and mistakes and are tempted to think they wouldn’t need our help if they had done this or hadn’t done that. And sometimes, it’s a matter of someone not doing what they should to help themselves and the need to protect ourselves from a constant emotional energy drain that can result in those cases.  But aside from that, when there’s a moment you could bring relief or even joy for a friend or family member, maybe don’t hold back. Don’t think of past issues or grudges or the blaming, judging thoughts. Just do it. When you can.

Also, don’t fall into the trap that some do, of doing something that the other person doesn’t really need or want, just because it makes you feel good.  Then, you’re doing it for yourself and not for the recipient. It’s an odd kind of selfishness.  All this may seem like it’s complicating the issue, and indeed you can overthink it, but if you’re in a good place mentally and emotionally and keep an objective but positive view of the world around you, then the Holy Spirit or the Universe or however you think of it, will guide you. Go with your gut.

I’ve often been told I’m a good listener and that’s a great act of kindness anyone can do.  Just giving a moment of your time and really hear someone. An empathetic ear can really lift someone’s mood even if you don’t have the answer for them.  That’s usually not what they’re looking for anyway. They just need to know someone cares. I remember a coworker a few years ago who had lost her mother, whom she lived with, less than a year before I lost my dad. We commiserated sometimes and she unloaded a lot about dealing with her family. One day she shared that her brother came out and said the thing that was the elephant in the room. He blamed her for their mother’s death, saying that she didn’t do enough to get help when the mother refused to seek help. It seemed unfair and an awful thing to say, even if it was understandable that the brother thought that.  The coworker broke down and cried and I just gave a sympathetic ear and comforting words. I don’t know how much it helped, but I was glad to be there.

One act of kindness I like to do for people in my life, is to buy something I know they’ll love when I see an item at a thrift shop that is “so them”.  It’s just a small inexpensive item so they don’t have to feel bad that they’re not reciprocating or that you spent a lot of money. It’s just a cool item that they’ll enjoy and they get to reciprocate in some way at another time. Of course, I don’t do it for that. I do it because I can and I see the opportunity. I think the key is that it comes from a place of genuine care and knowing the person well through ongoing acceptance and interest in their lives. That’s where an act of kindness springs from.

So, if you get the impulse to do something kind at a random moment, don’t resist or overthink it. But do think about opportunities to help, encourage or inspire those in your corner of the world in the daily grind and be ready to take advantage of such a moment along with the random ones.

Brighten the corner where you are!