life

Rise Above

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When you’ve suffered a major attack on your life and reputation, you can stew in anger and obsess over it, wanting to get back at the attackers, or you can double down on just doing you. Channel the anger into determination to show everyone around you who you really are. To thine own self be true. As long as you hold fast to that, the enemy has no power. I’ve learned this from personal experience in the last seven years.

In this world, minding your own business and just trying to make a living and be a positive presence in the world does not mean that no one will attack you or try to bring you down. Some people just aren’t happy unless they’re making someone else unhappy. I’ve seen very cold-blooded sociopaths who thrive on that, even pretending to be your friend. I have been overwhelmed by anxiety and cried when I’ve been hurt. I’ve struggled with anger even though I’ve determined not to let things get to me. I focused on just living my life and finding contentment no matter what’s going on around me and not only succeeded at that but encouraged others to do so as well. So the tormentors doubled down, many times, and made it impossible to ignore their extreme bullying and provocations. But they have not been able to change who I am.

They never will. They can poison some people’s perception of me, but I’ll just move on and rebuild. Anyone opposing you only has the power you give them. I’ve realized that I relinquished some of that power for a while, but I’m taking it back. I have the strength God gave me and the strength of the Holy Spirit in me. They have nothing. They’re hollow shells, lacking soul or compassion or purpose. Bullies are weak cowards.

I was reading a story in a devotional book about a teacher recalling a special student and she described him as one of those people who is just happy to be alive. I realized that I have always been one of those people. My dad was too. I love life and all things good. I appreciate the little things and the beauty all around us. I love the complexity of the human spirit and the mystery of the divine. I love the comforts of fond memories and the excitement of the future, both here and beyond this realm.

I love the written word and unspoken truth. I love deep emotions and light fun. I love the starlit night sky and the bright warmth of the sun. And I know that not every moment or every situation is enjoyable, but the things we have to just endure only help us appreciate the good things more.

I know I’m not going to feel good all the time, and I can’t say I’m never going to get angry about things again, but I know I can handle anything life throws at me. I had many dreams reassuring me of that when I was young. One of my late uncles was a Jungian analyst and helped me interpret those dreams. It’s as if the unconscious world, the Universe, the Holy Spirit or all of the above knew I was in for something very trying in my life and built in that truth early on. Someone was telling me, you got this. And I do, and I seek support and allies. No one is an island. We all need other people. We’re all in this together.

So, let’s not hate or resent, or add to the negative energy in the world. There’s quite enough of that.

Let’s love life! Let’s rise above!

An Overdue Walk in the Park

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It’s been a few weeks, but I wanted to share some scenes and reflection from my return to an oft visited place, Monocacy Park. I hadn’t been there all summer due to many time and energy constraints as my family has been dealing with ongoing issues with my sister’s health, my elderly mother dealing with that and her own issues, and even some unexpected health issues of my own that have come up in the last couple months. I stopped for walks twice in one week, and maybe one other time, but now the busyness is encroaching again. I shall prevail, though. Making time for things you enjoy is a priority.

I’ve learned that you can only do so much for others and you have to take care of yourself. If a person doesn’t make much effort themselves to improve their own situation, you can’t make things happen for them. Certainly, you do what you can, but it’s up to them to meet you half way.

I’ve also been reminded of something I already knew. that our reactions to things are just as important, or even more important that the actual events happening. That’s the part we can control. Life happens and things keep rolling along. Time never stands still. So, you have to decide how you’re going to react and deal with things. I’m thankful that I have my dad’s steady, calm presence. (I’ve been told that- that I have a calming presence.) It was a theme in all the remarks at his funeral service that, while he was a quiet, unassuming person, he was always there. I’m still reminded when I think of him to keep striving to stay centered, and to get back to your center when life sends those curve balls.

So, do those things that help you process things and stay centered, or return to center, whether it’s taking a walk, making time to read, exercise, journaling or whatever. I hope these photos can help bring a moment of peace in your day.

Lifelong target, Part 2

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A few more school bullying incidents have come to mind recently that I feel like sharing now in hopes it helps bring awareness to gangstalking. One was at a second grade assembly where the three classes gathered in one room for a joint assembly as we sometimes did. They would move the desks out of the way and the additional students would sit on the floor in rows. I was settled down on one such occasion talking to my friend when someone did the tap on the shoulder, made you look childish game they did. I can picture how I turned to see which one of the kids in the row behind me had done it. Sometimes I could tell, but the more they did it, the harder it was to determine who the culprit was because the instigator would get more and more kids to participate, so that everyone in the row were all smirking or looking at someone else with the Not Me look or saying the clever, “What?”. I would give up after a few times of this, but they’d always start again a few minutes later or halfway through the assembly if they got bored. Of course, if I had just ignored them and never let them get a rise out of me, they would’ve given up, but I didn’t get that as a kid. I didn’t get the mentality of wanting to torment someone like that. I couldn’t fathom that my annoyance delighted them. I just didn’t think that way. I always wanted to affirm, encourage and include others. Of course, the taunting taps on the shoulder were only a momentary trouble, but the thing that hurt was to have a bunch of kids work together against me. It was the exclusion and disregard for me that was hurtful.

Another time, an older kid on the bus while we were waiting at the school for everyone to get there before the bus headed out, was smacking me on the back of the head right at the soft spot at the crown. He wasn’t trying to fool me about who was doing it. He was just openly bullying me. He was really smacking hard too, and I remember how I felt a little dizzy and kind of reeled a bit for a few seconds before I was even able to turn and say something to him. What struck me, besides his hand, (ha! see what I did there?) was that it seemed as though he was aiming for that particular spot on my head knowing it was a sensitive area and would have that effect. I didn’t think of it at the time, but years later, I thought that someone older had to have told him to try it. They taught him to hit that soft spot to get the desired effect.

Fast forward to tenth grade English class and you’ll see another scene of exclusion. This one didn’t involve any physical attacks, but it was also hurtful. The teacher was lazy and well aware that they couldn’t fire her because she was tenured. (Ironically her name was Firing.) She often just treated her class as a study hall because she hadn’t bothered to do a lesson plan. I often went and sat by my best friend on these do nothing days, but this particular day, I was very tired and not feeling very well physically, probably from my undiagnosed Crohn’s disease. I reviewed my notes for another class that I had a test for, but then I just sat for a while thinking about things. I guess that made it look like I didn’t know what to do with myself socially and the teacher and her pet thought that was pretty funny. I didn’t know they were laughing at me until a popular girl who sat by me in history and often copied my notes and I helped her get ready for tests, came over and told me that’s what they were laughing so hard about. They were making fun of me just because I was sitting there minding my own business. Well, you know what? I didn’t let it get to me. I mean sure it was hurtful at first, but I did go sit with my friend on the next impromptu teacher laziness study hall day. And a cheerleader thought I was cool enough to want to tell me what the mockers were up to. I always had popular people who talked to me. I was one of the top students in the class and I had my small circle of friends. Most people were mature enough to respect that.

The sad thing is that while the rest of us matured and grew in abilities and confidence in life, including some of the participants in the pestering kind of bullying, gangstalkers never grew out of their immature bullying. Unfortunately, their cruel games are not harmless. Instead of pretending not to be involved in pestering by tapping my shoulder from behind like the second graders, these loser sociopaths gang up on a person to disguise who’s turning on electrical field generators nearby and the exact source, so you can’t stop it or sue. And it causes cancer. That’s what electronic harassment is all about!

I rely on God to strengthen and protect me from these childish creeps. My motto for the last seven years now has been, I Will Prevail!

I will keep trying to be a positive influence in the world. I thank God for my writing and photography and many creative abilities.

We the good people, must keep fighting the good fight and encourage one another.

God be with you!