trying

Better to fail than never try

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I watched an Olympic hopeful on Friday night, along with millions of others. Ilia Malinin took to the ice in men’s figure skating with sky high expectations from all sides. Himself, his father and coach, millions of his countrymen and women, fellow athletes and lots of media hyping and analyzing the hell out of his every move. As I watched, his first small jump seemed to land very smoothly but the next couple of them looked a little bumpy and then the horror, he fell, twice.

I felt for him as I’ve often empathized with young athletes in the highly commercialized world we live in. So much pressure, so much scrutiny, so much at stake. It must get to them sometimes, but most of the time they get through with lots of support from friends, family and mentors. Sometimes things still go wrong, despite all the time put in and all the preparation. Fortunately, Ilia, like many of his competitors and fellow Olympians, is very young and will have another chance, God willing, to reach his potential.

The lesson here for us all is to go for the gold, knowing that you may not get it. You may just miss it, or you may miss by a wide margin. While I’m sure it’s devastating to fall short in such a public way, the important thing is to just do your best and keep trying. Learn from the experience and make improvements. That’s what we all have to do throughout our lives. Failing is not fatal. Your soul is built to handle setbacks in life. It’s worth the risk to go for something big.

I sit here on my couch writing these words and think about the fact that I haven’t really gone for anything big in my life so far. I haven’t written that novel or screenplay. I haven’t given up, but I have become complacent. I’ve stopped hearing the ticking clock. While it’s never too late until you’re gone, I’m not getting any younger.

Yoda says “Do or do not. There is no try.” I guess I’m just not doing. Of course, not every thing you do can be successful, but I think what our little green friend meant is that you approach the goal with the full intention of doing it, not with a wishy washy mentality that you’re just going to put out some feelers and see if maybe there’s a chance of things working out. You just have to do it. That doesn’t mean that you couldn’t still fail, but eventually, you’ll get there. Perhaps it’s a matter of doing it again, rather than trying again. Go for the gold with full intention and your best ability and you’ll succeed. Maybe that success looks different than the top of the podium sometimes, but other opportunities for something better may result from your efforts, whatever the immediate outcome.

Go forth and be active and believe in yourself! Good things will happen.

What might have been, pt 1

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This topic is inspired in part by a writing prompt from WordPress that suggested writing about your life in an alternate universe and another blogger’s accurate statement that “Some words lose their meaning when spoken too late.” (https://thebrokenspecs.wordpress.com/?_gl=1*adzjkd*_gcl_au*MTI1NzMwMTYxNC4xNzUwMjA3NDcx) That made me think about not just things you didn’t say, but things you did that you shouldn’t have or things you didn’t do that you wanted or needed to do and what a difference it could have made in your life. Of course, it’s a slippery slope if you start regretting and rethinking everything, so let’s not do that.

Instead, let’s think about lessons we’ve learned and how we might apply them in our lives at the present moment or the near future to affect positive change. Sometimes, looking back, in the context of finding your path forward can be healthy, if done in a positive context and frame of mind.

I used to sometimes cringe with anxiety when a memory of something done or said wrong, or left unsaid or undone, came bubbling right up to the surface of my mind. I’m happy to say that doesn’t happen anymore. I’ve learned to give myself a break when I remember those things. I know I did the best I could have, and I’ve learned tremendously from my experiences. I’m a stronger, healthier and more content person because I’ve always striven to learn and improve on myself. It starts with being honest with yourself. I’ve always been good at that. When I was younger, I was a little too honest with myself creating self-consciousness and anxiety and causing me to be too hard on myself. I’m sure I’m still my own worst critic as many of us are, but it’s a lot more balanced and tempered with more self-acceptance and confidence. I’ve seen some pretty awful people and a whole lot of middling folks who just don’t try very hard or just don’t care very much about others. And a lot of sociopaths. So yeah, I’m a pretty kind, talented, and likeable guy and I finally get that. So, this isn’t about beating oneself up, but looking for growth and direction.

So, what’s a good example? Hmmm. When I was in high school, I thought many times about joining drama club and trying out for a play. I did finally do it in the spring of my senior year, the last chance to do so. I’m glad I did that and didn’t have to regret not even trying. I was really good at the auditions and everyone said so. I was later told I had stage presence. But when you’re not one of the popular people in a small town, you don’t always get what you deserve.

I don’t remember the details, but I was being considered for the lead role, which included a kiss with the female lead. I remember walking into a class where the female front runner was talking to a friend and overhearing her say something about she would have had to kiss Mark Ritchey. (The horror!) I ended up with a three line part that added nothing to the play. In fact, when I quit in disgust after a couple rehearsals, they didn’t even reassign the part to anyone. They just cut it. I never found out exactly what went on behind the scenes, but I felt cheated and it was discouraging.

I still thought about acting for years after that. I thought about trying out for a play when I was attending community college and even stopped to get a script and met the professor directing the play. His office was right next to the media lab and main classroom of the communications program I majored in. Unfortunately, I didn’t follow through. I used the somewhat understandable excuse that I was too busy.

I still though about for years after, and I went to an audition for a short film at another college several years later. I didn’t get it, but I then took an acting class at Civic Theater of Allentown and had a blast. That’s where I was told by the teacher, and director of Civic, that I had stage presence. I didn’t pursue any auditions at Civic, but I made a friend in the class that I’m still friends with 20+ years later, and I started volunteering at the theater and worked for them for a while. I also founded a filmmaking group with the friend and others which I was involved with for years and produced a short film that I wrote.

So, I didn’t become an actor, but I acted on an interest. Instead of wondering what might have been, I got to see what did happen instead. Sure, there was disappointment and I didn’t do everything I had thought about (the play at community college), but it wasn’t the deep regret of total inaction. I made an effort.