A Time To Renew

It’s that time of year. There’s the reviews of the previous year and all kinds of talk about resolutions and renewal and restarts. Personally, I haven’t had time to sit and review my previous year, but fortunately, one of my New Year’s resolutions is to write more, including journaling, so I’ll be doing the review thing through my writing. As for the looking ahead, I’ve learned over the last few years to take things a day at a time and live in the moment. I still plan for the future, of course. I contribute to my 401k, have life insurance and all those adult things.  But I don’t think too far ahead at any given moment so I don’t get overwhelmed. You have to take things in bite size chunks.  You also have to be mindful of your environment and really experience life. Enjoy the little things and feel your connection to people and the world around you.  Always make that effort.

Renewal is something I’ve thought about fairly often over the last year or so.  I had a period of renewal about a year and a half ago, but it didn’t seem to last beyond a few months.  That’s mostly due to interference from a group of creeps harassing me, but I’m not going to let that be an excuse or to discourage me. If you encounter opposition in anything you want to do, that obviously will make it harder, but it doesn’t mean it can’t be done. You control how you react to things, even though you can’t control what happens.

It’s easy enough to feel a sense of renewal in the first couple days of a new year or when some sort of reset happens in your life, like a new relationship or friendship, a new job, going back to school, etc. So, how do you find that spirit of rejuvenation at off times? And how do you keep it going? That’s the trick, isn’t it? I hope you won’t be too disappointed when I say that I’ve only found ways that help to bring you back to that periodically, and I don’t have any big secret method to reveal.  But let’s talk about it.  Writing out your thoughts is actually one of the ways I’ve found to help recapture that New Year’s Day determination. Keeping a journal.   I mentioned I wanted to do more of that and I confess I’ve let that fall by the wayside for months now. But now’s the time to start again, at the new year onset. So that’s one thing, journaling. Write out your thoughts and feelings.

Another thing that helps you feel rejuvenated is creativity. Any activity that gets the creative juices flowing is going to give you energy. Whether it’s photography, writing, drawing or dancing in your room like nobody’s watching and really letting loose. I’ve taken many photographs in my life and it engages my mind and my heart. If you play a musical instrument, or if the pen or the keyboard is your instrument, these are ways to let the spirituality of creativity to flow through you. You can’t help but feel the earth’s energy or the energy of a higher plane, even the divine, when you’re creating something. I’ve recently been participating in art therapy workshops with someone I know from my church and her program The Healing Palette hosted at a local art gallery called Soft Machine Gallery. NPR had an article about art therapy just last week, in fact. If anyone in your area offers this, I highly recommend it or find some online resources and give it a try. It really helps process thoughts and emotions, and I think, connects the conscious to the subconscious mind.

 And, I guess, good old talk therapy is another good way to feel renewed or refreshed.  Talking about things with an objective person, or even sometimes just talking with a friend or family member, can help release and process those emotions and swirling thoughts.

Remember to allow new things in to your everyday life. Look for things you haven’t really noticed or paid attention to in places you go. Try to recall details about a doctor’s office, a friend’s house or business after you leave, then see what you missed the next time you’re there. Try to look at things from a new perspective, either figuratively or literally.  Take a different way home from work. Try a different store or restaurant. Try a new recipe or two and add them to your regular rotation, if you like them.

Try a new hobby, or revisit one you dropped due to time constraints, tiredness, or just plain neglect.  There are many reasons we let things we’re interested in doing fall by the wayside and it seems those reasons, or excuses, win over our decision making more easily as we get older. Remember the enjoyment it gave you before when you’re tempted to just veg in front of a screen instead.  Of course, sometimes we just don’t have the same interest in something we once did and that’s okay too. If you try it and it no longer thrills, find a replacement.

You can also change up your environment to help infuse your spirit with newness.  As you put away those decorations, it’s a great time to do a little rearranging or sprucing up.  If you’re like me and your budget limits how much you can do that, then I have two words for you.  Thrift shop! I’m known for my somewhat addictive thrifting. That’s something that’s fun to do with a friend or on your own, even if you don’t make a purchase. I like to find funny items or things that you think, “What were they thinking?” or “No wonder they donated that!”.  See end of post for a few hits and misses. (I didn’t buy the “misses”, just took pics to share.)

Try a different genre in your reading or viewing.  I know people who consume the same kind of entertainment all the time and don’t even glance at anything else. If you don’t like it, then go back to your usual. I remember my 9th grade English teacher would require at least one non-fiction title in our book reports. I didn’t like the idea at first, but then I discovered the true stories that weren’t the dry factual volumes I always thought of when someone said “non-fiction”. I loved Never Cry Wolf and The Dog Who Wouldn’t Be, both by Farley Mowat. I even got a ribbon for the story board poster I did on the latter for our Achievement Fair that year. There’s a reason libraries and book stores have all those shelves and they always stay filled up.

If you like a challenge, try new types of puzzles or word games. If you like games, have a game night and ask your guests to look for new games you can play. (Again, thrift shop!) And when you’re getting together with your friends for game night or whatever, share something new with them and be open for them to reciprocate. Talk to someone new at your job, school, church or business you frequent. The people around you are a constant source of renewal and change. And on that note, be ready for change and embrace it, since it’s an inevitable part of life. Make it a positive, even when it comes with some kind of negative. Balance them out.

So my friends, as the first week of the new year rapidly advances and many are heading back to the normal grind of school and work, remember that renewal and rejuvenation and growth are all things that need constant stirring to keep it fresh. It’s okay that you don’t feel it every day. If you did, it would’t be renewal. Just keep doing anything you can that gives you that metaphorical splash of cold water to the face!

Happy New Year and beyond!

Failing patience, fading empathy

I find myself getting impatient with my elderly mother more quickly and more frequently than I used to. She has always been an extreme worrier, engaging in catastrophizing and panic, always assuming the worst, sometimes imagining well beyond the worst-case scenario fearing things that there’s basically no chance will be the outcome of the situation. It started getting considerably worse in the fall of 2022 and continues to be so. It may be a side effect of a medication or her age exacerbating things, but the increase of problems started about the time my dad’s fight with cancer started taking more of a toll. He was gone six months later.

My mom and dad were married 56 years and when you include dating and engagement, were together for just about 60 years. I understand that her anchor was gone and she felt more vulnerable. I did a lot of things to help her with everyday personal business like making calls with her to Social Security, insurance companies, then renewing said insurance, and transferring the van and getting a new handicapped plate, checking her math when balancing the checkbook. All things she knows how to do but hadn’t been doing them for a number of years.

I also made improvements to her physical environment. I had replaced a bookshelf a year or so earlier and still had the old one, so I took it to her and made room for it, put it in place and moved the books and other items to it. I also gave her a little corner shelf that I hadn’t been using for a while and helped get that in place and found a little side table that would work next to her couch better than what was there already. I didn’t even realize it, but the table had been my dad’s before they met, so she really appreciated having that.

It seemed like things were improving, and indeed I think she was coping well for a number of months of the first year without my dad, but then she started to say she felt “blue” more often when I asked how she was. It felt like my efforts were all in vain. Like no matter how much I did, it wasn’t enough and she just kept doing worse. She wasn’t oblivious to this decline in mood and in fact, talked to the nurse practitioner at her primary care and they tried her on an antidepressant for a while but that only seemed to make her worse and it was stopped.

After a while, it seemed like her mood leveled off to some degree, enough to cope and find enjoyment in things, but the worrying and panic got worse. It’s very draining to have several calls a week from your mother, who was so strong and wise when she was raising you, in a state of panic because she got some strange call or text on her phone. Like a scammer can somehow ruin your life even if you don’t respond to them.

I tell her to think about what would be the worst that could happen and it’s not going to be as bad as her initial fear-filled reaction has her thinking. And even if the worst happened, she’d get through it. I guess she doesn’t see it as a choice, how you react to something. It’s been an automatic response for so long that she must feel like she can’t control it and that it’s something that just happens, not of her own volition. Maybe that’s true to some degree because it’s hard to retrain your brain when you’re in your 80’s. But I think there’s always room for improvement if the effort is made.

What’s funny is that I used to be so patient that I’ve had people tell me that I have the patience of a saint. In fact, there was more than one occasion when I worked in retail that the next person in line would say so after I finished with a difficult customer. But in the last 6 or 7 years, the harassment that I’ve mentioned in other posts, has eaten up any patience, tolerance, or forgiveness, and even empathy that I had in me. I could easily do a whole post just on that point, but this one is about trying to be there for my mom.

I think the solution is to talk about things on a regular basis and specifically about managing fear and anxiety, to plan for the moments that spark intense worry and be ready for it; to have coping strategies and specific actions to take. Calming imagery or memories, music, inspiring quotes, and mindfulness. I don’t think that’s a concept that anyone ever taught her, but it’d be very helpful to stop and think, observe and then proceed with caution.

It’s always better to get out in front of an issue than to wait till something happens that’s harder to deal with. Of course, that’s easier said than done. But most things worth doing are. I know that my mom is a strong and intelligent person and that God has given me a good heart, patience and kindness. I’ll just have to keep any situational irritability out of the equation and be true to myself and see the strength and ability in her that has always been there. You’ve got to stick together with family and help one another in love. Same goes for friends.