anger

Rise Above

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When you’ve suffered a major attack on your life and reputation, you can stew in anger and obsess over it, wanting to get back at the attackers, or you can double down on just doing you. Channel the anger into determination to show everyone around you who you really are. To thine own self be true. As long as you hold fast to that, the enemy has no power. I’ve learned this from personal experience in the last seven years.

In this world, minding your own business and just trying to make a living and be a positive presence in the world does not mean that no one will attack you or try to bring you down. Some people just aren’t happy unless they’re making someone else unhappy. I’ve seen very cold-blooded sociopaths who thrive on that, even pretending to be your friend. I have been overwhelmed by anxiety and cried when I’ve been hurt. I’ve struggled with anger even though I’ve determined not to let things get to me. I focused on just living my life and finding contentment no matter what’s going on around me and not only succeeded at that but encouraged others to do so as well. So the tormentors doubled down, many times, and made it impossible to ignore their extreme bullying and provocations. But they have not been able to change who I am.

They never will. They can poison some people’s perception of me, but I’ll just move on and rebuild. Anyone opposing you only has the power you give them. I’ve realized that I relinquished some of that power for a while, but I’m taking it back. I have the strength God gave me and the strength of the Holy Spirit in me. They have nothing. They’re hollow shells, lacking soul or compassion or purpose. Bullies are weak cowards.

I was reading a story in a devotional book about a teacher recalling a special student and she described him as one of those people who is just happy to be alive. I realized that I have always been one of those people. My dad was too. I love life and all things good. I appreciate the little things and the beauty all around us. I love the complexity of the human spirit and the mystery of the divine. I love the comforts of fond memories and the excitement of the future, both here and beyond this realm.

I love the written word and unspoken truth. I love deep emotions and light fun. I love the starlit night sky and the bright warmth of the sun. And I know that not every moment or every situation is enjoyable, but the things we have to just endure only help us appreciate the good things more.

I know I’m not going to feel good all the time, and I can’t say I’m never going to get angry about things again, but I know I can handle anything life throws at me. I had many dreams reassuring me of that when I was young. One of my late uncles was a Jungian analyst and helped me interpret those dreams. It’s as if the unconscious world, the Universe, the Holy Spirit or all of the above knew I was in for something very trying in my life and built in that truth early on. Someone was telling me, you got this. And I do, and I seek support and allies. No one is an island. We all need other people. We’re all in this together.

So, let’s not hate or resent, or add to the negative energy in the world. There’s quite enough of that.

Let’s love life! Let’s rise above!

An ode to anger

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Ah, anger,

Irritation that makes the tongue lash out where it might otherwise be held still and useless.  That magic little quirk in the mind that lets me find annoyance in things that I’d otherwise forget.  You’re the glue that helps me cling to those grievances that might get lost in the shuffle if I’m careless.

That temper you provide, I put to such good use.  How else could I blame, condemn, seek vengeance for things I’ve been guilty of myself?  Where would be the fun? You give me freedom to escape a sense of justice or fairness.  To hell with hypocrisy! Hallelujah! That meddlesome conscience cannot hold me now.  I’m in a mood! Let me be!

You’re the corkscrew that gives those awesome explosions when I’ve bottled up all I can until it can’t be contained.  What a glorious shower of verbal shrapnel can ensue and make minced meat of another’s heart.  That evil laugh must surely be emanating from elsewhere beyond my own throat.  No matter.

You give me courage to speak when I cannot think straight.  How awful it would be to lie idle in impotence when there’s a wrong that the world must know about and the perpetrator made to pay. Can I just sit there with my teeth in my mouth when you give me so much passion?

To stew, with you, even after it’s all through

How good it feels to simmer for hours or days when I might let it drop without your steady hand.   I don’t need to sleep when I have you for company, by my side day and night, leading me through silliness and folly with a focus that filters out distractions for me, so that I don’t get caught up in daily life and miss my mission’s fruition.  To inflict at least as much damage as has been done to me.  It’s my right! I will have my day!

Oh, my friend, I would never give you up, come hell or high blood pressure, for surely I would…  I would….

Do some good? Make the world a better place? Lift up others instead of cast them down? Mend hearts and relationships instead of tear asunder? Be happier and healthier? But that’s so hard, and you’re so easy.  That’s why I liked you.

Yet, I will not miss you.