Personal Reflections

Working toward something

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I’ve been on a self-improvement kick for the last several months. Really, it’s a renewal of a lifelong effort. I’ve been working on being more punctual to work.  I’d been on time every day for a long time but started to backslide into old habits. I’m not on time every day yet, but I’m getting better. I’m on time some days and when I’m late it’s at least not as late as before.  When I’m late, I stay the extra minutes at the end of the day, which my workplace tolerates, but it’s not ideal, obviously. I’m doing daily devotionals which is important to me as a Christian. (I’m a progressive Christian, not at all a Christian Right adherent.) I read my bible and then read a daily excerpt in a non religious book called Journey to the Heart which is basically about being more spiritual and in tune with your emotions.

I started working out with the weight set and weight bench I have in my basement but hadn’t used in about 12 years. It’s now routine to do it three times a week. I started in late October.  I’ve increased the weight I used on various exercises twice already.  It feels good. I’m thankful  I’m healthy enough to do it.

I’ve been writing in my journal more to keep track of life events and my mood and reflections on them. It’s a great tool to process things  and helps to jog your memory when you look back on things as well as focusing on things you can improve on going forward.

I’m also trying to be more communicative with friends and family. When you let things bottle up and don’t talk about them with anyone, it can sour your mood and frame of mind.  I’m also doing counseling to that end.

I’ve been trying to catch up on projects on my living space. I put up a shelf in my bedroom that I’d had for years and never put in place. I got a new plant stand and better organized my many house plants. Making your environment more appealing is a great way to boost your mood.

I titled this post working toward something because I’ve done all these things for the purpose of general self-improvement without having a specific end goal in mind. As I work on general self- development, I begin to seek more focus for the future.  I know that I want to use the gift God gave me in writing more fully, but I need to zero in on the how and when to do each step of the way. That’s why I’m trying to get back to blogging more.  I hope people find it worthwhile. I certainly do. I know we’re all just trying to muddle through this world with some kind of positive outcome. It seems like some people only focus on interfering with others’ efforts to do that, but we can’t let that discourage us.

So, my title of “working toward something” may seem vague but it’s just being honest that I am still trying to focus on specifics, still trying to determine my purpose, my place in this world. Aren’t we all?

Let’s work on it together. Be an encourager and make your critiques specific and constructive. Don’t tear down, but build up. Make suggestions of things the other person can do, rather than criticize what they have done.

We’re all in this together. We’re all on the same team – humanity. Keep trying. Help others. Look for the good in life!

Masks

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What is it about Halloween? Some people like it more than Christmas. I’ll never be one of those people, but I can get into some aspects of it now. I still don’t like the the more macabre elements, or the gore, or the creepy crawly decorations. Okay, so I’m not the biggest fan.

I have, however, learned to appreciate the creativity of coming up with a good costume, both the idea and execution thereof.

I made an attempt at a mad scientist get-up for my church Halloween party last weekend. Unfortunately, my enthusiasm and energy kind of fizzled, but I have a lab coat for next year to improve on it. (I still need a crazy wig and beaker to hold dry ice, and a better technique of using charcoal as soot on the lab coat and my face.) I could try again for dress-up day at work on Halloween. We’ll see.

When I was a kid, I didn’t like any costume with a mask. It was probably just uncomfortable, but it was also kind of prophetic.  I didn’t like the idea of pretending to be someone else. Then I did that for years. Actually, it wasn’t so much pretending as it was suppressing who I really am. I still take a long time to open up and get to know people. I think that, even though I’m out to my family and a lot of other people, and made it public on Facebook a few years back, I’m still kind of guarded about being gay. I don’t talk about it at work. Only a few people know there.

I think that creates a barrier that keeps me acting reserved in general because I’m still holding back part of myself in one part of my life. That affects all areas of my life. I totally get that many LGBT people move far from home and start over. It’s easier to be yourself when people have only known you one way.

I don’t plan to come out at work anytime soon, though. There are people I just don’t care to share it with. Some unpleasant people. It’s not that I think they would act with prejudice against me. It’s just none of their business. It’s only a few people. It might seem like I shouldn’t let that stop me, but that’s just where I am right now. I don’t try to hide it. I just don’t talk about it.

Anyway, back to Halloween costumes. If you don one this season, enjoy the time of fun, freeing anonymity, or role playing. See yourself from a different perspective, and if you made the most original, or funniest, or sexiest, or scariest costume, then wear it with pride.

 

Seeking enrichment

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Life can get pretty routine sometimes. Work or school, homework or housework, eat, sleep, repeat. It’s so important to find things to enrich our days. That can be a significant other/spouse, pets, volunteering, a hobby, or a project.

I love playing with my two crazy cats and having them snuggle while I’m watching TV or checking my social media on the laptop. One of them seems to always want to climb on top of me just when I’m ready to settle down to write.  Hey, that’s another enrichment: writing or other creative endeavors. More  importantly, working on long term goals or projects.

Of course, that’s more “work” oriented. You still need something more leisurely or enjoyable in your life. Personally, I find myself doing less of that lately. A friend asked me today if I had done any origami lately. I haven’t. I made a couple birds when I visited with her and my other good friend, her hubby, about a month ago. He’s an artist and did a drawing while we folded. That was the first time I did any paper folding for quite a few years.

I also haven’t taken my camera out too much in recent years. I love photography. I don’t know if it’s just getting older and having less energy, or if it’s depression, or a little of both.  There’s also the lack of time.

The good thing is that I still have interest in these things, so I guess I’m not too depressed. (I have bipolar depression, but take medication for it.) If you don’t know, loss of interest in things you normally enjoy is a sign of serious depression.  I just wanted to throw that in there, since mental health problems often go undiagnosed or untreated.

So, in the spirit of renewal anytime, as I discussed in my last post, I’m going to make more of an effort on all my interests.

Let’s see…. where can I go photoggin’ this weekend?

I’ll let you know.

Carpe diem.