relationships

Resist, Rise, Reign

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When dealing with bullies, or harassment, or systemic oppression, or any persistent problem, really, there are three important facets in affecting positive change.

The first is to resist. Anything they try to do to you, you evade or circumvent their efforts to whatever degree you can, you sabotage their efforts and you power through. Most importantly, though, after you’ve done any remediation you can, you simply live your life as though that wasn’t going on.  Take the wind out of their sails. Bullies can’t stand it when their efforts go in vain.  Take pleasure in knowing that it pisses them off to see you flourish. That helps to alleviate your own rage. Turn the tables on them.  It’s not that they’re harassing you and getting away with it. It’s more like you making them ineffective and feeble, irrelevant, and pathetic losers. That’s what they are, of course.

As you resist, you will also rise against them.  You will rise to a new level of existence. As you live in heightened awareness and ramped up determination, due to necessity, you will hone your coping skills and sharpen your God given strengths.  You will learn that you are stronger than they are, and even stronger than you knew  yourself to be.  Bullies are weak, childish beings. They are powerless before God! Keep that in perspective. 

Unfortunately, when bullying or harassment continues for years on end, as I am experiencing, it’s inevitable that it will get to you at times. You’re only human, after all, but just keep your eye on the prize. Play the long game, and play to win! You’re better than they are!

I have a magnet that has a silhouette of Bigfoot and says “Believe in yourself, even if no one else will.” I claim that over and over.  I’ve been maligned and defamed and slandered by my enemies, underestimated and dismissed and misunderstood by friends and family, but I’ve learned to be self reliant. I don’t care what anyone else thinks, friend or foe. No one else has walked in my shoes. They can judge and dismiss all they want. I shall not be moved!

The last leg of the tripod of defense may seem a bit surprising.  To reign.  It’s bold, I know, but what I mean is to reign over your own life. Own the things you can control and let go of the things you can’t. Be you, and do it full blast! The more they try to crush you, the more you rise! Double down defiantly against the tyranny of the inferior!

An example of that is when I started weight training last fall despite continuous and ever escalating harassment.  Despite being dog tired all the time, and getting a cold once a month like clockwork, I started working out for the first time in about 12 or so years.  I was inspired by a book by David Goggins called “Can’t Hurt Me”.  I highly recommend it.

So, get out there and reign over your mind, your emotions, your talents, your life!  Take help if and when you can get it, and don’t shut out family and friends even though they may piss you off sometimes with their misunderstanding.  No human is an island. You’ll need allies, but you’ve got to have your own body, mind and soul in the right place first. And remind yourself every day that: I believe in myself! I can do it! I shall not be moved! I will overcome! I will Resist, Rise, Reign!!!

Editor’s note: a friend who read this entry posted a comment, which I chose not to approve because it was a bit sarcastic and even felt a little bit mocking. I’m sure that wasn’t the intention, but I just didn’t want to allow any negativity to spoil the post. (I will note that this friend is very good about reading my posts and nudging me when I don’t post for a long time. I appreciate both those things. But I think he misinterpreted the part about starting to workout despite harassment. I was not saying that I’m harassed during workouts, but that the harassment has been constant in every aspect of my life for years on end and I began working out in that environment, despite external negative pressures. I took a positive, healthy action in the midst of petty people trying to drag me down. Perhaps I’m tooting my own horn in saying that, but hey, I deserve it. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. And if they still don’t, double down.

Disconnected in a world of connectivity

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These days, everything has connectivity, from our pocket computers (phones) to our cars to appliances, sometimes even our whole house. But how many of us feel connected to each other? How many neighbors do you know by name? How many coworkers or church members do you say hello to without really knowing much about them or what’s going on in their lives? I’m not trying to point fingers. I can think of plenty of people I only exchange perfunctory greetings with. It’s not that I don’t want to get to know them. I just tend to get in a rut and don’t initiate conversations with people I don’t know, even though I’m actually quite curious about those around me.

I guess it’s partly the introvert/extrovert thing and often, just being tired and a little withdrawn as a result. And, of course, we’re all busy all the time and rushing from one thing to another.

But I’ve found that when you make the effort to talk to someone new, they are eager to reciprocate. We all want to be more connected to others and the world around us, beyond the electronic level. I’m talking real person to person interaction.

Some people blame social media for the lack of real life experience, but I’ve often started talking to people at church or at work because I became Facebook friends and then talked to the person next time I saw them IRL. Social media can be a tool to help break the ice and can enhance real world connection rather than replace it. It’s all in how you use it.

In high school, I used novelty tee shirts as an icebreaker, especially The Far Side. I was kind of known for it. You could use unique articles of clothing or jewelry for icebreakers. Point is, to make the effort and to take time to notice those around you. Find connections in the maze of connectivity.

Romancing the gays

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Daily writing prompt
What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
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I didn’t date much when I was younger in part, because of anxiety and shyness.  I might have been able to push past the anxiety with the help of those teen hormones, but I was also very deep in the closet. I was raised in a very religious home and I believed in what I was taught. (Still do, except for all the gays go to hell bit.) I did fear my mother’s disapproval, and my dad too to a lesser degree, but it was more than that. My faith was important to me and I wanted to be a good Christian and be right with God.

So religious repression worked with my anxiety to keep me from seeking romance with girls too much. It also didn’t help that I’m only five feet tall and was socially awkward back then. 

Now, I know that God loves me the way I am and I don’t fear lightning striking me down for having relations with another man. It’s too bad I figured that out when I was no longer young and fit. I also hit a time of depression and was on disability for about ten years. But now, I’ve been back to full time work for about twelve years and was working part time several years before that and over the last year I’ve lost weight and am working out again and looking better than I have for a long time.

So why have I still not delved into the gay dating arena? What is it I’m afraid of? As I take a good honest look at myself, I think it’s actually fear of trusting someone to be vulnerable and intimate with him.

I’ve had people betray me and manipulate or use me, and let me down all throughout my life. I do have misgivings about meeting strangers through dating apps, but I think I could get past that, just as I’ve gotten past the religious complications and depression and shyness.  All those reasons have faded away and I’m still not dating.  Yeah, I think it’s a trust thing. The thing I fear is putting myself out there. Fortunately, I can finally picture it happening. It’s not just a thing I say I’m going to do eventually. Change is coming this year, I think. I hope.