mental health

Keeping On

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Since it’s been a while since I posted, I’m thinking I should take another look at time management and posts about being busy but in a good way. Or, reflect on the one wondering where half the summer went already. Now, basically the whole thing is gone, though not officially by the calendar and it’s a gorgeous summer day here in eastern PA today.

In fact, I did get out and enjoy a picture-perfect day with friends at Lake Nockamixon on Labor Day weekend and got to take a spin on my brother’s kayak. Today, I’m taking my mom shopping, but at least we’ll be out and about on this great day.

It’s been a little over a year since I had a health event and a break from work, after which I began a routine of daily devotions with Bible reading and the book Journey to the Heart by Melanie Beaty. I am journaling more often. (Still not daily, but working on it.) Since last October, I’ve been weight lifting three times a week, and keeping up a routine of better punctuality, tending to the garden and feeding the stray cats and the birds (after my own cats) after work, daily check-ins with my mom and all the usual household stuff.

I also make time for fun with friends and family, and getting out for a nature walk or something enjoyable as much as possible. It’s been challenging at times and I don’t always feel like doing things, but I persist. I look around me, and I realize it’s not just me. Time flies for everyone. We’re all busy and we all have to make an effort to keep on going and doing and balancing life’s obligations with fun and enjoyment. Staying connected through it all is very important, so don’t forget that. Talk to people, and share your feelings and thoughts. People are all very similar in many ways. (Except for a few psychopaths, but we won’t go into that now.)

I feel that I was put on this earth to be an encourager and a light in my corner of the world. I will endeavor to keep doing that through thick and thin. I believe that there are forces set against those of us trying to lift others up. The eternal battle of good and evil is very much active in the world today. We good ones must rise up and keep pushing forward and be ourselves and affirm others to be themselves. We’re all in this together.

Kind of a grand conclusion for a post about routines, you might think. I’m learning that the routines are just the structure to provide a base to do more. Our thoughts and feelings can flow more freely when we control the things we can and not be discouraged by all the things we can’t control. All the chaos and evil in the world at large.

Brighten the corner where you are! Be you!

On track train of thought, finished sentences

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Daily writing prompt
What do you enjoy most about writing?
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In response to this prompt, I started thinking about how when you have a group of people conversing, you inevitably have those overlaps where two people talk at once, or someone interrupts another. You don’t always get to finish what you were saying.

Other times, the subject veers suddenly elsewhere before you add what you were going to say about the current one. You usually just let that comment go if it’s not that important to bring the subject back to it. Sometimes you lose your train of thought when waiting your turn to speak or when the subject changes, and the thought is gone like a fart in the wind. Don’t you hate when that happens? Probably happens more to the over 40 folks. Am I right?

Sometimes you have the really gabby person that doesn’t let anyone else get a word in, always talks about themselves, and then they change the subject. I have a certain family member like that. Fortunately, most people I talk to are pretty decent and I have learned to add more than I once did. I was very quiet when I was younger.

So, this isn’t meant as a complaint list about how well people converse or socialize. Its about the ability that writing gives you to take an inspiration or idea, follow the train of thought and flesh out the details. And you can do it all without interruption or vying for attention. (Unless your own thoughts get ahead of you and you have trouble focusing, as can happen when a really big idea hits you and you get all excited. Like when your writer’s block on that story or script finally breaks.)

I think for introverts, it’s also less distracting to write than to talk it out. You become one with the keyboard, or pen and notebook, whatever your medium of choice is. It may be easier to enter the zone for some of us introverts, when we write. We’re used to being alone with our thoughts.

It’s a direct outflow of ideas and creativity. It can be very cleansing, especially when writing just for yourself, like a journal. Perhaps that’s the most enjoyable form of writing because you don’t have to worry about any pushback, opinions, or offenses. (Unless someone invades your diary, but then how are they going to complain about something you said, right?)

Perhaps the worst part of writing is facing a blank page, but tonight’s page filled right up after a moment of thinking, thanks to this prompt. Whatever form you enjoy, keep writing!

What might have been, pt 1

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This topic is inspired in part by a writing prompt from WordPress that suggested writing about your life in an alternate universe and another blogger’s accurate statement that “Some words lose their meaning when spoken too late.” (https://thebrokenspecs.wordpress.com/?_gl=1*adzjkd*_gcl_au*MTI1NzMwMTYxNC4xNzUwMjA3NDcx) That made me think about not just things you didn’t say, but things you did that you shouldn’t have or things you didn’t do that you wanted or needed to do and what a difference it could have made in your life. Of course, it’s a slippery slope if you start regretting and rethinking everything, so let’s not do that.

Instead, let’s think about lessons we’ve learned and how we might apply them in our lives at the present moment or the near future to affect positive change. Sometimes, looking back, in the context of finding your path forward can be healthy, if done in a positive context and frame of mind.

I used to sometimes cringe with anxiety when a memory of something done or said wrong, or left unsaid or undone, came bubbling right up to the surface of my mind. I’m happy to say that doesn’t happen anymore. I’ve learned to give myself a break when I remember those things. I know I did the best I could have, and I’ve learned tremendously from my experiences. I’m a stronger, healthier and more content person because I’ve always striven to learn and improve on myself. It starts with being honest with yourself. I’ve always been good at that. When I was younger, I was a little too honest with myself creating self-consciousness and anxiety and causing me to be too hard on myself. I’m sure I’m still my own worst critic as many of us are, but it’s a lot more balanced and tempered with more self-acceptance and confidence. I’ve seen some pretty awful people and a whole lot of middling folks who just don’t try very hard or just don’t care very much about others. And a lot of sociopaths. So yeah, I’m a pretty kind, talented, and likeable guy and I finally get that. So, this isn’t about beating oneself up, but looking for growth and direction.

So, what’s a good example? Hmmm. When I was in high school, I thought many times about joining drama club and trying out for a play. I did finally do it in the spring of my senior year, the last chance to do so. I’m glad I did that and didn’t have to regret not even trying. I was really good at the auditions and everyone said so. I was later told I had stage presence. But when you’re not one of the popular people in a small town, you don’t always get what you deserve.

I don’t remember the details, but I was being considered for the lead role, which included a kiss with the female lead. I remember walking into a class where the female front runner was talking to a friend and overhearing her say something about she would have had to kiss Mark Ritchey. (The horror!) I ended up with a three line part that added nothing to the play. In fact, when I quit in disgust after a couple rehearsals, they didn’t even reassign the part to anyone. They just cut it. I never found out exactly what went on behind the scenes, but I felt cheated and it was discouraging.

I still thought about acting for years after that. I thought about trying out for a play when I was attending community college and even stopped to get a script and met the professor directing the play. His office was right next to the media lab and main classroom of the communications program I majored in. Unfortunately, I didn’t follow through. I used the somewhat understandable excuse that I was too busy.

I still though about for years after, and I went to an audition for a short film at another college several years later. I didn’t get it, but I then took an acting class at Civic Theater of Allentown and had a blast. That’s where I was told by the teacher, and director of Civic, that I had stage presence. I didn’t pursue any auditions at Civic, but I made a friend in the class that I’m still friends with 20+ years later, and I started volunteering at the theater and worked for them for a while. I also founded a filmmaking group with the friend and others which I was involved with for years and produced a short film that I wrote.

So, I didn’t become an actor, but I acted on an interest. Instead of wondering what might have been, I got to see what did happen instead. Sure, there was disappointment and I didn’t do everything I had thought about (the play at community college), but it wasn’t the deep regret of total inaction. I made an effort.