life

On track train of thought, finished sentences

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Daily writing prompt
What do you enjoy most about writing?
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In response to this prompt, I started thinking about how when you have a group of people conversing, you inevitably have those overlaps where two people talk at once, or someone interrupts another. You don’t always get to finish what you were saying.

Other times, the subject veers suddenly elsewhere before you add what you were going to say about the current one. You usually just let that comment go if it’s not that important to bring the subject back to it. Sometimes you lose your train of thought when waiting your turn to speak or when the subject changes, and the thought is gone like a fart in the wind. Don’t you hate when that happens? Probably happens more to the over 40 folks. Am I right?

Sometimes you have the really gabby person that doesn’t let anyone else get a word in, always talks about themselves, and then they change the subject. I have a certain family member like that. Fortunately, most people I talk to are pretty decent and I have learned to add more than I once did. I was very quiet when I was younger.

So, this isn’t meant as a complaint list about how well people converse or socialize. Its about the ability that writing gives you to take an inspiration or idea, follow the train of thought and flesh out the details. And you can do it all without interruption or vying for attention. (Unless your own thoughts get ahead of you and you have trouble focusing, as can happen when a really big idea hits you and you get all excited. Like when your writer’s block on that story or script finally breaks.)

I think for introverts, it’s also less distracting to write than to talk it out. You become one with the keyboard, or pen and notebook, whatever your medium of choice is. It may be easier to enter the zone for some of us introverts, when we write. We’re used to being alone with our thoughts.

It’s a direct outflow of ideas and creativity. It can be very cleansing, especially when writing just for yourself, like a journal. Perhaps that’s the most enjoyable form of writing because you don’t have to worry about any pushback, opinions, or offenses. (Unless someone invades your diary, but then how are they going to complain about something you said, right?)

Perhaps the worst part of writing is facing a blank page, but tonight’s page filled right up after a moment of thinking, thanks to this prompt. Whatever form you enjoy, keep writing!

What might have been, pt 1

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This topic is inspired in part by a writing prompt from WordPress that suggested writing about your life in an alternate universe and another blogger’s accurate statement that “Some words lose their meaning when spoken too late.” (https://thebrokenspecs.wordpress.com/?_gl=1*adzjkd*_gcl_au*MTI1NzMwMTYxNC4xNzUwMjA3NDcx) That made me think about not just things you didn’t say, but things you did that you shouldn’t have or things you didn’t do that you wanted or needed to do and what a difference it could have made in your life. Of course, it’s a slippery slope if you start regretting and rethinking everything, so let’s not do that.

Instead, let’s think about lessons we’ve learned and how we might apply them in our lives at the present moment or the near future to affect positive change. Sometimes, looking back, in the context of finding your path forward can be healthy, if done in a positive context and frame of mind.

I used to sometimes cringe with anxiety when a memory of something done or said wrong, or left unsaid or undone, came bubbling right up to the surface of my mind. I’m happy to say that doesn’t happen anymore. I’ve learned to give myself a break when I remember those things. I know I did the best I could have, and I’ve learned tremendously from my experiences. I’m a stronger, healthier and more content person because I’ve always striven to learn and improve on myself. It starts with being honest with yourself. I’ve always been good at that. When I was younger, I was a little too honest with myself creating self-consciousness and anxiety and causing me to be too hard on myself. I’m sure I’m still my own worst critic as many of us are, but it’s a lot more balanced and tempered with more self-acceptance and confidence. I’ve seen some pretty awful people and a whole lot of middling folks who just don’t try very hard or just don’t care very much about others. And a lot of sociopaths. So yeah, I’m a pretty kind, talented, and likeable guy and I finally get that. So, this isn’t about beating oneself up, but looking for growth and direction.

So, what’s a good example? Hmmm. When I was in high school, I thought many times about joining drama club and trying out for a play. I did finally do it in the spring of my senior year, the last chance to do so. I’m glad I did that and didn’t have to regret not even trying. I was really good at the auditions and everyone said so. I was later told I had stage presence. But when you’re not one of the popular people in a small town, you don’t always get what you deserve.

I don’t remember the details, but I was being considered for the lead role, which included a kiss with the female lead. I remember walking into a class where the female front runner was talking to a friend and overhearing her say something about she would have had to kiss Mark Ritchey. (The horror!) I ended up with a three line part that added nothing to the play. In fact, when I quit in disgust after a couple rehearsals, they didn’t even reassign the part to anyone. They just cut it. I never found out exactly what went on behind the scenes, but I felt cheated and it was discouraging.

I still thought about acting for years after that. I thought about trying out for a play when I was attending community college and even stopped to get a script and met the professor directing the play. His office was right next to the media lab and main classroom of the communications program I majored in. Unfortunately, I didn’t follow through. I used the somewhat understandable excuse that I was too busy.

I still though about for years after, and I went to an audition for a short film at another college several years later. I didn’t get it, but I then took an acting class at Civic Theater of Allentown and had a blast. That’s where I was told by the teacher, and director of Civic, that I had stage presence. I didn’t pursue any auditions at Civic, but I made a friend in the class that I’m still friends with 20+ years later, and I started volunteering at the theater and worked for them for a while. I also founded a filmmaking group with the friend and others which I was involved with for years and produced a short film that I wrote.

So, I didn’t become an actor, but I acted on an interest. Instead of wondering what might have been, I got to see what did happen instead. Sure, there was disappointment and I didn’t do everything I had thought about (the play at community college), but it wasn’t the deep regret of total inaction. I made an effort.

The Earth is burning. Are we really ok?

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Living in the northeast U. S., I’m seeing a lot of haze from Canadian wildfires this summer.  It’s not as bad as when it first occurred about two years ago, but today was pretty bad.  I am taking it in stride.  I don’t feel any adverse health effects.  I’m thankful that I have been able to keep up weight training at home since last October and I’m in the best shape I’ve been in years.

I also am not feeling anxiety about the smoke.  There’s nothing I can do about that, but the aforementioned exercise has enabled me to handle it better.  Of course, if it gets worse, it won’t matter what shape you’re in, we’ll all need breathing masks.  But I’ll still keep focused on things I can control. It’s all we can do.

The thing about these big problems beyond an individual’s control, though, is that there seems to always be something happening.  These fires are happening more frequently and intensely due to climate change, which brings many other problems as well.  Super storms, flooding, famine, species disappearing.  It can be very overwhelming.

Then you have your normal personal stuff that brings its challenges: relationships, family, work, finances, aging.  Survival.  And it seems like life just keeps getting busier for us all while we try to juggle all the responsibilities and obligations.

There’s no one coping strategy that works for everyone, but I’ve found it helpful to adopt a routine over the last year that includes making time for daily devotionals, working out on the designated days, taking care of the critters (my two cats, feeding the neighborhood strays, and the birds), texting with my mom while I make supper and she has her supper.  It helps her to have a visit by text for dinner since my dad died.  Then it’s time for writing and relaxing on the couch or on the deck depending on the time of year and the weather.  Unfortunately, the writing time is the one that keeps fizzling out, especially after I’ve eaten and the TV is on and I’m laying back on the couch.  That’s where working on the routines comes in. And trying to manage things you can control to the best of your ability. If you don’t beat yourself up and feel satisfied as long as you’re working on those things, then it can help alleviate anxiety and feeling overwhelmed by the chaotic world around you.

And of course, stay connected with others. We’re all in this together, so reach out to your friends and family, and always be ready for new friends.  Try to understand other people’s views so that we don’t feel so disconnected and separate. We can feel a sense of community and cooperation that will inspire us and keep us going.