halloween

All Hallows Eve

Posted by

0

That’s what Halloween means. It’s the eve of All Saint’s Day. Many ancient cultures believed that spirits of the dead visited on this night. The weather in my area sure fit the day. It was very gray and chilly and windy, with the just changed leaves ripping free from the branches that had so recently sustained them and now flitted and fluttered wildly in the air. It felt spooky, but exhilarating as many folks celebrated in light-hearted fun a day that is steeped in dark and scary traditions.

It’s the third Halloween since my dad passed and my family has had some new concerns and transitions in recent months. I couldn’t help thinking about days gone by and how much life has changed. I miss the wholeness of my family unit and my dad’s quiet strength and stability, but I’m thankful for those traits which he passed on to me along with perseverance and tenacity, and an unflappable confidence borne of a love of life and faith in God.

On this day, with people dressing up as their favorite characters from pop culture, I feel like I can call upon my dad’s presence like Luke Skywalker talking to Obi Wan and Yoda surrounded by their ethereal glow courtesy of The Force. I can’t converse with him and he didn’t give a lot of direct advice, but his steady presence and loving air surround me and guide me.

When someone else is bringing their worries into your aura, expressing anxiety or even panic, it’s hard to hold onto that less tangible spiritual connection, but that’s when you just have to refocus, remember to breathe and put one foot in front of the other. God, and those who have gone before, are with you. And you are with you!

By that I mean that your own consciousness and experience are like an entity unto themselves. You’ve gotten through everything in your life so far and you’re still standing! No one else was there for every minute of that. Only you. So draw confidence from that and remember that you will keep growing and getting better at communing with your spirit, which is connected to God and the loved ones who have moved on. You got this!

Happy All Hallows Eve!

Masks

Posted by

3

What is it about Halloween? Some people like it more than Christmas. I’ll never be one of those people, but I can get into some aspects of it now. I still don’t like the the more macabre elements, or the gore, or the creepy crawly decorations. Okay, so I’m not the biggest fan.

I have, however, learned to appreciate the creativity of coming up with a good costume, both the idea and execution thereof.

I made an attempt at a mad scientist get-up for my church Halloween party last weekend. Unfortunately, my enthusiasm and energy kind of fizzled, but I have a lab coat for next year to improve on it. (I still need a crazy wig and beaker to hold dry ice, and a better technique of using charcoal as soot on the lab coat and my face.) I could try again for dress-up day at work on Halloween. We’ll see.

When I was a kid, I didn’t like any costume with a mask. It was probably just uncomfortable, but it was also kind of prophetic.  I didn’t like the idea of pretending to be someone else. Then I did that for years. Actually, it wasn’t so much pretending as it was suppressing who I really am. I still take a long time to open up and get to know people. I think that, even though I’m out to my family and a lot of other people, and made it public on Facebook a few years back, I’m still kind of guarded about being gay. I don’t talk about it at work. Only a few people know there.

I think that creates a barrier that keeps me acting reserved in general because I’m still holding back part of myself in one part of my life. That affects all areas of my life. I totally get that many LGBT people move far from home and start over. It’s easier to be yourself when people have only known you one way.

I don’t plan to come out at work anytime soon, though. There are people I just don’t care to share it with. Some unpleasant people. It’s not that I think they would act with prejudice against me. It’s just none of their business. It’s only a few people. It might seem like I shouldn’t let that stop me, but that’s just where I am right now. I don’t try to hide it. I just don’t talk about it.

Anyway, back to Halloween costumes. If you don one this season, enjoy the time of fun, freeing anonymity, or role playing. See yourself from a different perspective, and if you made the most original, or funniest, or sexiest, or scariest costume, then wear it with pride.