contentment

Rest and Discomfort

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As I spent three sick days home from work this week, I didn’t do much of anything for about 2 ½ days.  As I started to feel somewhat better the third day, I did a little catching up on personal business.  I needed to do something constructive because I was getting stir crazy. 

It occurred to me that the only time I just sit around relaxing for any length of time is when I’m sick. I don’t know if I just don’t know how to relax or if it’s because I’m just used to always having things to do being an active single guy, but it’s a pattern I’ve noticed before. 

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being busy most of the time. In fact, I feel more comfortable with it in recent years. Maybe that’s because the things that keep me busy are more things I choose than they used to be.  I used to feel like life was a series of obligations, things I have to do. From daily chores to social events to work.  But somewhere along the way, my obligations have either been replaced with chosen activities or  I’ve changed how I see my activities so that they don’t feel like obligations.

One of my “chores” is watering plants which I have upstairs and downstairs and in the warmer months, outside too. But I choose to have them and I enjoy the reward. I also put bird seed out and food for a few stray cats in my neighborhood.  I guess some of these things felt like obligations at first, but as they became part of my routine, I enjoyed the good feeling they brought. 

In recent months, I’ve added workouts three times a week, and daily devotion time after work (because it’s just too early to get up and do before work),  journaling , blogging; and for enjoyment, thrift shopping  and photography.  I’ve done a lot more photography in the last couple years starting with a photo-a-day challenge for cancer and I often get those pics on a nice nature walk.

So, yeah, I don’t sit still much and I could probably use a little more relaxation time, but I’m content in being busy. It’s life!

Seeking enrichment

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Life can get pretty routine sometimes. Work or school, homework or housework, eat, sleep, repeat. It’s so important to find things to enrich our days. That can be a significant other/spouse, pets, volunteering, a hobby, or a project.

I love playing with my two crazy cats and having them snuggle while I’m watching TV or checking my social media on the laptop. One of them seems to always want to climb on top of me just when I’m ready to settle down to write.  Hey, that’s another enrichment: writing or other creative endeavors. More  importantly, working on long term goals or projects.

Of course, that’s more “work” oriented. You still need something more leisurely or enjoyable in your life. Personally, I find myself doing less of that lately. A friend asked me today if I had done any origami lately. I haven’t. I made a couple birds when I visited with her and my other good friend, her hubby, about a month ago. He’s an artist and did a drawing while we folded. That was the first time I did any paper folding for quite a few years.

I also haven’t taken my camera out too much in recent years. I love photography. I don’t know if it’s just getting older and having less energy, or if it’s depression, or a little of both.  There’s also the lack of time.

The good thing is that I still have interest in these things, so I guess I’m not too depressed. (I have bipolar depression, but take medication for it.) If you don’t know, loss of interest in things you normally enjoy is a sign of serious depression.  I just wanted to throw that in there, since mental health problems often go undiagnosed or untreated.

So, in the spirit of renewal anytime, as I discussed in my last post, I’m going to make more of an effort on all my interests.

Let’s see…. where can I go photoggin’ this weekend?

I’ll let you know.

Carpe diem.

No comparison, singles edition

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I mentioned in yesterday’s post about there being two things that reminded me of the old saying, “All unhappiness comes from comparison.” I wrote about one of them. That being the success of others making me feel a sense of loss, or at least longing, for things still not achieved.

I touched on the other. A fellow picnic attendee mistook my friend and I for a couple. I wasn’t surprised, since I was kind of sticking close to my friend since I didn’t know anyone else very well, and wasn’t feeling real energetic that evening.

It really didn’t bother me at that moment, but I do think about it. The unhealthy comparison here is when I look at couples, gay or straight, who have been together a long time, and seem to complete each other. They also have someone to grow old with, to share special moments, perhaps kids and then grandchildren, carrying on the family name and all that.

It’s sometimes a little scary to think about getting old and living by yourself. But hey, I’m only 47. I have time yet. Someone out there is wishing they could be 47 again, while I might wish I was 27. It’s all relative. And it’s all irrelevant. Those damn comparisons!

Honestly, I’m okay being single right now. (When I’m not comparing myself to one happy pair or another who seem to have it all.) I have a harder time with the accomplishment and success comparisons, than I do with relationship jealousy.

Yet, if you’ve been single around the holidays, you know it’s better when you have someone to share it with.  I know a lot of single people don’t do any decorating for Christmas. I always have, regardless.  So, I guess I’m not unhappy being on my own, but I’d like to find “the one” eventually.

In the meantime, I will make no comparisons to others, but only examine my own life just as I do with goals or degrees of success. I’ve grown a lot as a person through the years, and have become much more comfortable in my own skin. They say confidence is the most attractive quality. I still need some work, but not comparing will help with that.

Things will come together in their own time.