single life

Light Friday Nights

Posted by

3

What used to be. What yet might be.

Light and quiet is fine for now for a guy in his mid 50’s. I miss the regular outings of just a few years ago, and the semi regular game nights, and the occasional movie outings, the free outdoor concerts of the summer, and even the Sci-Fi Friday lineup of old with my bro.

Life is always changing. People get busy, change jobs, fall in and out of grace, and grow apart. Going out is also so much more expensive than it used to be. For a while, the thrift shop after work and then my workout in my basement gym followed by grilling and deck time was the routine. Now, it seems no one is available, and I’m too tired to find anything on Netflix. The night falls quickly and my energy fades quicker still.

On the upside, I’m up earlier on Saturday and there’s always something to do with the house if I’m not going out anywhere. And, either Saturday or Sunday is Mom visit day, so the weekend is quickly filled up no matter what.

Sometimes, it feels like a funny magnet I found at a local festival this year: “Another fine day ruined by adulthood.” It’s true that life gets harder and fuller of responsibilities and obligations as you get older, but you also learn that your life and your actions, your thoughts and feelings have intrinsic value even if no one seems to notice or appreciate you. It’s called independence.

It’s harder to get a couple or few friends together when you’re over 40 or over 50, but you value the times you have together, even if they’re less frequent.

Recently, I’ve done things on weeknights which I’ve been avoiding for years since I get up pretty stinking early for work. Turns out, I can still do it. as long as I pace myself through the week. Feel like I need a wink emoji after that. Sounds kind of sad, but I’m making the effort. I’m living my life. I’m still standing and I’m looking ahead while still taking care of the immediacies.

The Holy Spirit, or the Universe, however you think of it, will sustain you as long as you do the best you can and be true to yourself. So keep up the good work, my good folks.

No comparison, singles edition

Posted by

3

I mentioned in yesterday’s post about there being two things that reminded me of the old saying, “All unhappiness comes from comparison.” I wrote about one of them. That being the success of others making me feel a sense of loss, or at least longing, for things still not achieved.

I touched on the other. A fellow picnic attendee mistook my friend and I for a couple. I wasn’t surprised, since I was kind of sticking close to my friend since I didn’t know anyone else very well, and wasn’t feeling real energetic that evening.

It really didn’t bother me at that moment, but I do think about it. The unhealthy comparison here is when I look at couples, gay or straight, who have been together a long time, and seem to complete each other. They also have someone to grow old with, to share special moments, perhaps kids and then grandchildren, carrying on the family name and all that.

It’s sometimes a little scary to think about getting old and living by yourself. But hey, I’m only 47. I have time yet. Someone out there is wishing they could be 47 again, while I might wish I was 27. It’s all relative. And it’s all irrelevant. Those damn comparisons!

Honestly, I’m okay being single right now. (When I’m not comparing myself to one happy pair or another who seem to have it all.) I have a harder time with the accomplishment and success comparisons, than I do with relationship jealousy.

Yet, if you’ve been single around the holidays, you know it’s better when you have someone to share it with.  I know a lot of single people don’t do any decorating for Christmas. I always have, regardless.  So, I guess I’m not unhappy being on my own, but I’d like to find “the one” eventually.

In the meantime, I will make no comparisons to others, but only examine my own life just as I do with goals or degrees of success. I’ve grown a lot as a person through the years, and have become much more comfortable in my own skin. They say confidence is the most attractive quality. I still need some work, but not comparing will help with that.

Things will come together in their own time.