personal growth

Introverts, Be You!

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   I’ve just started reading a book about an introverted young woman trying to be an extrovert for a year.  The title is “Sorry I’m Late. I Didn’t Want to Come.” It’s pretty good so far.  I’m also an introvert, but thankfully not a shy introvert anymore like the author is. I was painfully shy until my mid teen years and it was a long slow process coming out of my shell. 

   As I said, I’m still an introvert but I do enjoy social events now. I love hanging out with friends, going places and doing things, and meeting new people. I just need downtime to reenergize in between. A good example would be back in my late twenties when I worked in the Men’s Department at Sears and we had “Super Saturdays” every week of the Christmas season. We had four registers and the lines were all a mile long.  I actually enjoyed the stimulation and the holiday atmosphere.  I cheerfully waited on customer after customer, for two or three hours. Unfortunately, it went on a good hour longer than my energy lasted. By the time I got a break, I was emotionally exhausted. I just felt drained, not anxious or depressed or angry or anything like that. Just pretty tuckered out. But after a somewhat secluded break, I felt rested.

   When I was younger, I had a lot more anxiety and the above experience might have been more intimidating, and not so enjoyable. I had both generalized and social anxiety. I don’t have much anxiety anymore. Frankly, I don’t care too much about what other people think as I’ve gained experience and confidence. I’ve also met a lot of nasty or arrogant people.  Their negativity is their problem, not mine.  It’s very freeing when you realize that, while not perfect, you’re one of the good ones and there’s no need to be fettered by jealous haters, snobs, well meaning friends and family, or malicious sociapaths. (I’ve met all kinds.) Focus on the good folks you meet and don’t worry about the rest, or their judgment. It doesn’t matter.

   You be you!  And have the confidence and sense of adventure to keep developing who that is.

Honor

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I wrote most of this several years ago and saved it as a draft.  I just finished it off now.–

I worked at a theater a few years back that showed independent films, which attracted an older audience than the multiplexes. Most of the people were more polite and considerate too. I remember one incident when a patron was quite unintentionally inconsiderate. He had forgotten he was wearing a blue tooth ear piece that was flashing a blue light. It wasn’t very bright, except for the person directly in line with it a couple rows back.

After the other viewer alerted me to the mini-beacon going off in his face, I went in to ask the wearer of the light to turn it off. It turned out to be an Asian gentleman in his mid fifties, I think. When he realized his blue tooth was still on, he froze for a second, then quickly pulled it off.  In that split second before he moved, he looked absolutely mortified. Obviously, he felt very badly about his offense, even though it was completely unintended.

I don’t know if it’s still true, but a lot of Asian cultures (Japanese, Korean, Chinese, etc.), have always considered a sense of honor to be a vital part of society. It seems like they didn’t even have to think about it. It was just part of who they were. They deeply respected their elders, teachers, and religious and community leaders. And the objects of honor acted in a way that showed respect back to the other person and placed value in them.

I can’t speak for other places as I have not spent time abroad, but I think we’ve lost any sense of honor in America. I don’t mean that we’re all just no good, or that we necessarily act dishonorably. It’s more of a complete absence of concern for “honor”. We just don’t think about it. It’s not a term you hear much. You hear the word “integrity”, though not as much these days. I suppose integrity is pretty close to honor, and it’s certainly a good quality. A person with integrity does have honor, but I think the old time type of honor is something more. It’s not just a code of conduct, it’s a mindset, a way of life, and an almost spiritual discipline.

In my opinion, honor goes beyond just trying to act appropriately according to what you’ve been taught, or following social mores. Again, those are worthy endeavors. Honor just takes it to the next level. Integrity is doing the right thing and reflects good character. Honor is a sense of just-ness and regard for others with inclusiveness and non-judgmental view that is second nature.

I feel that I’ve gotten an old school sense of honor from both my parents. I also feel my dad’s presence in times of doubt and his ever steady quiet goodness and love. I’ve always striven to be honest and fair and unassuming like he was. Many people try to take advantage of that or try to bring you down just because they know deep down that they don’t have what you have, and never will.

It’s extremely difficult to not get caught up in their games and petty attacks, but a person of honor will stride past these folks and rise above on any given day.  Like the Good Book says, never weary in doing good.  God knows there are those who never tire of doing evil and trying to tear others down. We good people have to reach out to one another and encourage, affirm, and build each other up.

Be good. Be strong. Walk with honor.

Small world

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I sometimes feel bad that my indoor cats don’t get to go beyond the deck.  Their world is so small.

Then I think how relatively small my own world is. I’ve been to a number of states in the US, but I’ve never been abroad. I’m not a socialite who has a hundred friends or so. I don’t go to a lot of different area eateries or places of note. There’s a lot of things I haven’t done, places I haven’t been, people I don’t know.

But it’s okay.  I’m branching out more as I go. I’m making more friends, trying new places and things. Unlike the cats, I have the internet, so I can at least virtually explore the world and its varying people and nature.  I can always explore the world around me through the people I see everyday. They all have stories to share. That’s pretty exciting.

I will not stop believing that I’ll get to do the things I want to do, as long as I stay determined and motivated.  And as for the cats, well, they have me and my brother, and each other, and the deck and windows. They seem content.

Am I content? Hmmm. Have to say not entirely. I’m trying to be happy with where I’m at, while staying hopeful about the future. I do pretty well at that. That’s good enough for now.