In and out of the crowd

I live close to a big music festival which anyone local knows as Musikfest.  It’s been going on for 35 years now.  I’ve gone every year for about half that time, or a little less.  My cousin would come to stay with my brother and me for many of those years, when we were still talking.  Then we’d all go together.

I’ve seen a lot of great musical acts and met a lot of interesting people.  I’ve eaten a lot of different kinds of food, drinks and enjoyed the artisan vendor tents.  I’ve gotten some cool stuff at those tents. I also bought a bonsai tree about four years in a row.  They never made it to the next year.  I finally gave up out of guilt for killing something that was so beautiful and that someone spent 5 years training.

Those are the good experiences (except for the bonsai), and why I’ll keep going. There are downsides to it though.  In fact, many locals make it a point to stay away.  There’s the parking. You either have to pay $10 or park very far away and walk in. It has also gotten to be rather expensive to eat and drink. The music is still free, which is great, but who doesn’t want to eat or have a drink while they’re there?

Of course, the biggest factor is the crowds. Some people just don’t like being in a throng of people. I have to admit, there’s a lot more rudeness than in years past, especially talking during a performance, so you can barely hear the band.

Festivals are a showcase of human behavior, both good and bad. I have to be in the mood, but I do like going into the crowd sometimes. There’s a certain energy and a sort of primitive communal spirit of gathering around a small venue stage or street performer, like the minstrels of old, or the storyteller around a fire back in early human history.

I’ve seen people spontaneously dance with strangers, interact with the band members after the show, someone giving a stranger a food ticket or two when they’re short, and help someone when they’ve fallen.

I particularly like a South American group called Runa Pacha that’s there every year. I always find time to sit on the grassy bank by their set-up and listen to the pan flutes, guitars and traditional Native American drumming. As other people join me in a moment of respite on the grass, I imagine myself being high in the Andes or on a cliff top overlooking the sea. It’s so relaxing and refreshing.

So, I get both sides of the argumnt. Sometimes, I’m kind of done with the crowds and ready to get home by the time the night is over. But I like to go to take in some music and do some people watching, and enjoy the charm of the historic district and closed streets full of fest goers looking to have some fun with friends and family for a moment of our busy lives.

As for tonight, I’m perfectly happy sitting on my deck writing this and enjoying the night air. For tomorrow, I ‘fest’.

Exclusion: Defense mechanisms

I’ve talked about exclusion of the “different” people.  Perhaps there’s a flip side. Maybe you’ve experienced it when you tried to reach out to someone.  You try to be nice, but they act as if they want nothing to do with you, or may even be hostile, or rude. Maybe they’re just a little guarded or aloof. These are, of course, defense mechanisms.

When a person is used to being excluded, or teased or rejected, they are suspicious of everyone and end up pushing others away, because they’re convinced they’ll just end up being hurt.  While no one can blame you if you let it drop at that point, it could be fruitful to give it another shot.  If you’re sincere, they’ll see that.

It shouldn’t be purely out of pity.  Nobody wants to feel pitied. It also shouldn’t be done out of a sense of obligation or an overactive conscience.  If it’s not your forte to be an ambassador to those left out, the “socially challenged”, that’s okay. But if it is your thing, give them a couple chances.

If you’re one of the people who is feeling left out, be ready for opportunity.  Be yourself and don’t assume everyone is judging you or that they think they’re better than you. You must also give them a chance.

We’re all in this together.

 

 

Exclusion

Yesterday, I mentioned about my sister’s chattering driving me nuts, and it concerns me for her own sake. It’s hard for people to tolerate it, and I want to see her have a healthy social life.

While I can’t blame people, and I think she has to work to change that, I think people could give a little more of their time to talk to those who are a little different. I’ve been on the receiving end of exclusion and it hurts as much as direct bullying or snide remarks, if not more.  I’ve been excluded even by friends when everyone did something without me.

I was shy and quiet in school and had anxiety,  which made me socially awkward.  I get that people don’t want to deal with that. I know I’ve done it myself, avoided someone who was “strange” or talks too much, or something.  But, I have learned and grown from experience.

I think everyone has the capacity to do that, if given the chance.   The more a person is around other people, the more “normalized” they become.

Is there someone in your life who needs that chance? Take the time to reach out to them once in a while. I know sometimes you just don’t have the time, or you’re tired or stressed, and that’s fine. You have to take care of yourself. But when you can, be inclusive.