3 on 3/16/18 vs. 19

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Friday (3/16/18) was my three year anniversary at my job. It’s easy to remember the date, since it’s also my brother’s birthday.

A friend and coworker of mine, who shall remain nameless to respect privacy, had his 19 year anniversary about a week prior. It struck me what a different perspective the two milestones represent.

For my friend, not a notable event. He didn’t even realize it was his anniversary date until I mentioned it. I only knew because they post birthdays and work anniversary dates among other things on a bulletin board in the hall. I knew it wasn’t an exciting milestone for him and that he would rather be someplace else. I didn’t say this to him, because I totally get how he feels, but it is still an accomplishment. One shouldn’t beat themselves up for overstaying at a place where you’re comfortable instead of seeking new endeavors. Many people do it. There’s no shame in it. I support him in looking for something that utilizes his talents. He’s a good artist.

As for me, I’ve had five jobs in that time, and had a break from work for a while for medical reasons. The five jobs include the current one.  All of my past jobs paid very poorly. Not that I’m going to get rich at this one, but it’s better than where I was, and I get overtime.

So, when I look back three years, I’m thankful for where I am now. Although, I did get some good blog fodder at my last job, Assistant Manager at Family Dollar. (Check it out.) Mostly, I hated it, though. I had some great coworkers that made it bearable, and some nice regular customers. But, I couldn’t imagine doing 19 years there. So, I guess I know how my friend feels, or can imagine.

I remember feeling embarrassed telling people what I was doing at my 25th class reunion a few years ago, still at Family Dollar.  I quickly added that it was a stepping stone job every time I mentioned it. I was a top student in school. Of course, I know, I shouldn’t have been embarrassed. After all, they don’t know what led me there, or what I had to overcome.

Now, people say it sounds like a cool job when I tell them what I do. I don’t say that it’s actually really tedious. I do microfilming of material, mostly newspapers, for preservation. I started in the digital department doing Quality Assurance, then digital scanning of books, documents, slides, etc. I’ve also done prep for the microfilm department. So, I haven’t even done the same thing day in and day out for the three years I’ve been there. It went fast, and yet many days seem to crawl by.

I have no intention of being in my friends place 16 years from now. If I am, I’ll ask him to give me a good kick in the ass. He’ll understand. But seriously, I hope to write my way out of there.

It’s good motivation to write, when I think how it got to be three years already, and how unhappy I’d be if I hit nineteen years.  I don’t think that will happen though. I know I was put on this earth for a reason, and I intend to fulfill it.

I’ll look for inspiration and use my determination and talent to be the man God meant me to be. Life is what you make it, right? I feel like I’m giving myself a pep talk, but I hope you may benefit from my words. Maybe you’re happy in your job, or retired, but we all have dreams. Dare to pursue them, and take any help you can get along the way, because we’re all in this together.

A weight in my pocket

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Those of you old enough to remember the pre-cellphone days are probably like me, wishing you didn’t have such an important thing to worry about. You also knew the phone numbers of family members and close friends. But then, you didn’t have PIN’s, passwords and other stuff to fill your head up.

For some, there’s another aspect to the anxiety associated with that pesky (cherished) communication device. It cuts both ways. Either it gives you no rest, or it taunts you with its prolonged silence.

Those who have lots of friends and talk on them all the time, or much worse, use it for work or business, may get tired of it ringing or chiming or whatever infernal noise it makes, notifying you that someone Liked your comment on their repost of a Tweet about something you saw on (fill in the blank social media.) Of course, some extreme, incomprehensible extroverts thrive on this, and drive everyone around them crazy. If you’re one of them, this post is not about you. Go away.

Just kidding.  There’s a flip side though to the busy folks dealing with “social noise”. (Did I just coin a phrase? Well, if you share it I might.) Anyway, the other side is those who never get calls or Likes, or new invites to join others’ electronic circles of influence. And more importantly, don’t get invites to actual events either. It’s the popularity contest gone viral, and seemingly at all ages. I like to think I’ve come a long way since my very unpopular existence in school. I still have room to grow, but I’m happy with my level of progress. So, it’s not about me, you see….

But I think of these things because I’ve been there, in the real world, not electronically, but nowadays, the two are melded together, and perhaps makes the loneliness even more profound.

Say hi to a shy or quiet coworker this week. They just might turn out to be quite interesting.  They could also be a real jerk and they’re quiet because they’re stuck up, but that’s not likely. If that does turn out to be the case, don’t blame me. It must have been something you said.  😉

Go connect! We’re all in this together.

International Women’s Day: Honoring Mom

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I didn’t even know it was International Women’s Day until I sat down with the laptop after work.  It was the perfect subject for a post. The thought quickly followed as to a more specific focus. Since I mentioned my mother in yesterday’s post and her concerns about her gay son’s salvation, it seems only fair to extol her virtues today. Well, maybe it won’t be all glowing praise, but I love her and respect her immensely. I’ve always had a close relationship with my mom and the differences of late have not changed that.

In case you missed it, I reported previously that my mom saw an article in a local paper written by my pastor and it mentioned that she has a same-sex spouse. I neglected to mention that, or even that it’s a gay-friendly church, when I told my family that I had started attending.  Not sure why, but we’ll get back to that. Mom gave me some scripture references on the topic. No, I’m afraid I still didn’t get time to read them. But that’s coming soon.

Mom once wrote me a nice letter of encouragement telling me that I was a happy, content, and well-behaved baby and had grown to be a great young man.  I saved the letter.  It was written when I was not working for a while due to physical and emotional health issues and had tried to start a t-shirt business that wasn’t going well. (It never did take off.) But she cited my determination and talents, as only a mother can do. I was reminded of a picture my aunt showed me once of me as a baby being held by my mom. I was wearing a bright yellow “onesie”. I had never seen the picture before, but it explained why my favorite color was always, passionately, yellow.  You’ll have to excuse all the cuteness.

Briefly, another time she wrote me a note with a passage from a poem she found called Wit’s End Corner, by Antoinette Wilson. I had described how I felt shortly before that as being at my wit’s end. How perfect. There have been other notes and words of encouragement.

She was also very stern when I, or my two siblings, got out of line. In my twenties, that period when you begin to see your parents as just people, and before you turn into them, I sometimes thought the sternness was too much. Some might call it conditional love, but I know that isn’t so. Maybe the strict discipline and disapproval made me inhibited, or maybe that’s just an inborn trait. In any case, I found the bold spirit God gave me when I needed to. I’m thankful that both my parents cared enough to bring me up right. Being told no, and facing consequences, and even feeling guilt are good lessons to prepare one for adulthood. God knows, you can’t always get what you want. (Sorry if I put that song in your head.) You win some, you lose some. When you’re made to apologize to a sibling right then and there, while you’re still hopping mad, it helps with conflict resolution later in life.

I get my strong sense of justice and fairness from my mom, along with empathy and sticking up for the underdog, whether it’s someone else or myself. I once showed her my favorite Christmas video clip, from South Park, where Kyle gets to poke Cartman with an electric cattle prod every time he screws up the words to O Holy Night. I always thought it was hilarious and thought she’d love it, but she wanted to throttle Kyle.  I explained that Cartman is the obnoxious one and was getting his comeuppance. She responded, “Well, that makes it a little better.” That’s a strong sense of justice. I still think it’s hilarious, but really, it’s not right, is it?

During the aforementioned twenty-something years, I resented both parents for a time, feeling that they gave no support or guidance. I realized that they had an awful lot to deal with and did the best they could. We struggled mightily in the financial area when I was in grade school. I found out years later that we were in danger of losing the house because they couldn’t pay the taxes. God saw us through it, though. Then there’s my sister who had her first hospitalization when she was in ninth grade, for mental health issues. She had shown signs of it much earlier and demanded a lot of attention. My brother struggled in school. (Not because he couldn’t handle it. His IQ is in the gifted range.) We’ve all had problems with depression and anxiety. We were definitely a matriarchal family, my dad being more passive, so Mom had to be strong, and she was. She is. (Don’t get me wrong. I love my Dad too, and I get my tenacity and quiet resolve from him.)

I enjoyed hearing my Mom teach Sunday School, and her reading touching novels to us in the living room. She’s artistic and I gett my writing ability from her. I sometimes wish she would have had more opportunity to fulfill her potential, but I’m determined to do just that with my life. Her strength has helped me so far. It’s a generational effort.

I could go on and on, but I’m sure your time is as limited as mine, so I’ll wrap up.

Bottom line is that we’re all just people. We muddle through as best we can. It’s a lot easier when you have God or at least some kind of support system, if you’re not religious, to help you . So, don’t resent or condemn others for their shortcomings and wrongs against you. After all, we’re all in this together.