Captain’s Log, Personal

Stuff about me, my life, my reflections, relationships, and the like.

A place to lay your head

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Between last fall and this spring, I helped 3 people move.  Each was a different situation, and each gave me things to reflect on.

First, the good thing: I got new furniture and decor out of the deal, but I earned it.  So there ya have it.  The selfish end of things.

The first move was last November for my sister who moved to her own place for only the second time in her then 47 years.  The other time was a good ten years ago and only for a year.  She has personal things to cope with that I won’t go into for the sake of her privacy, but she lived with my parents in an apartment at the time of the move.  It was a big step to go out on her own.

The first time she went on her own, she was urged to do so by those around her, but she wasn’t really prepared for it, nor did she really want to go.  This time, it was her choice and desire to have a life of her own as we watch our parents advance in years.  They won’t always be here.

It was a triumphant and encouraging event, and I was very glad to help. I gave my sister things I wasn’t using and I call her and try to encourage her as much as possible.

The next move was my parents in January, precipitated purely by financial needs.  My dad was 83 at the time, 84 now, and my mom is 76.  My mother has arthritis – spina stinosis. Her back, knees and leg make it hard to be on her feet for long.  My dad is in remarkable shape for an 84 year old, but he did have heart surgery more than ten years ago, and he is definitely slowing down.  Fortunately, they belong to a church whose members helped them tremendously.  I helped as much as I could after work and on the weekends getting ready for the move.  The day of the actual move, the good church folks had the majority of the work done by the time I got there after work.  There were still quite a few more trips with the minivan that evening and subsequent days, but the big stuff was moved and most of the furniture even in place.

It was great that they had good help since neither my mom nor my dad wanted to make the move from the comfortable apartment they really liked where they had become friends with the landlords and their toddler son.  With my sister in her own place by this time, they were adapting to an empty nest for only the second time since a year and a day after their wedding.

So when I go there, I feel somewhat at ease that they have adapted to their surroundings, but the place is so small.  So very small.  I can’t help think about all the wealthy estates with so many rooms, they never even set foot in some of them and have amenities they never use.  Nevertheless, my parents have all they need and all they can really take care of at this point.

The final move was my cousin who had to move from the house his grandfather built and his mother grew up in, which he lived in for the past 22 years.  The move was forced by his siblings wanting to sell the family home out from under him.  Fortunately, he was able to move in with his fiancee at her apartment.  But, as with my parents, it was a downsizing.  He put many items to auction and gave a lot to my brother and me who helped him with the move.  That worked out well for us.  Indeed, we made out well between the things my parents couldn’t keep and the things my cousin couldn’t keep.

I reflect on all this in my own home that I share with my brother and love very much.  It’s 100 years old this year.  We’ve done a lot of personalizing and improvements.  One thing we didn’t have to do, because it was already here, was to install a deck.  It was a major selling point with a great view of Bethlehem.  I am so thankful for everything I have and for a loving family.  I would do anything for them.

I still wish my parents had a little more room, but we all have what we need: a place to lay your head.

 

 

Enjoy the moments

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Driving to work today, I saw a man leaning against a wood rail fence with one foot propped up on the middle rail.  Nothing notable, right?  Well, the temp with wind chill was in the mid 20’s F.  That didn’t seem to be bothering him.  He was looking over a grassy area that drops down below the street.  It would have been covered in snow, though I couldn’t see it from my vantage point in my swiftly moving vehicle carrying me to that place I go to make money in order to get by.

Maybe he was watching kids or a dog romping around, but even so, he seemed to be enjoying the moment.  His stance was completely relaxed and while he was wearing a winter coat, he wasn’t especially bundled up.  You can get pretty used to the cold, once you stop thinking of it as a negative.  It makes you appreciate the spring and summer more, after all.

It was an unexpected scene of tranquility in an inconspicuous bit of roadside real estate.  I must confess, I didn’t slow down, since I was a little later than I like to be, and my manager likes me to be.  I wasn’t late, mind you, but not as early as expected.  Such is the rush of modern life.

I did take a mental picture though, which I’m looking at now in the small hours of the night.  I see afternoon rays through the trees, lighting the scene just brightly enough, not glaring, but radiant.  I feel the calm of the stranger by the road, and I’m glad I saw him.

Thanks for the reminder to enjoy the moment.

Obligatory year end review

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Yes, everyone does it, but why not?  A year in review:

My first full year as an assistant store manager at Family Dollar.

I stepped down as president of Allentown Film Crew, a community filmmaking group.   I held the group together and got a project filmed two years ago with little support, and set up some workshops and guest speakers for meetings over the last year, but didn’t have the energy or the gumption to follow through on ideas I had.   Stability turned to stagnation.  I decided to let someone else take the reins and take a supporting role for myself.  My friend and original member, Trisha Thompson took those proverbial reins.  I may have created a monster.  wink,wink, nudge, nudge

I started this blog.

I attended my 25th class reunion.  Still can’t believe I’m that old.

First full year of having adopted cat Smokey, to whom Wiley has been amazingly receptive after being the sole cat of the house for ten years.

I lost another 15 pounds, added to the 25 lost in the previous two years.

Things I’ve learned:

Even people who are friendly with you at a retail store will steal right under your nose.

Coworkers will talk smack about you to no end.  Everyone’s a critic – of everything you do.  I bury the judgments and criticisms I feel toward others and then resent the overt negative talk from others, because I don’t have the gumption to dish it out.  And then get over it.

When assertiveness doesn’t come naturally, it’s a life long effort to keep doing it.  If you’re not assertive, people will walk all over you, leave you out in the cold, and have a lower opinion of you.

Anxiety, paranoia and resentment are inhibitive of personal growth.

Man was not made to live in a vacuum.  I need to find a partner in 2015.

It’s a struggle to keep seeing the positive in humanity, but it’s worth the effort to keep trying.

Putting your foot down about something can cause friction, but will be for the better in the long run.

I’ll probably add more later.

In the meantime, have a prosperous year as you pursue long time interests and dreams.  You’ll find some kind of satisfaction and fulfillment, no matter what the final outcome.