Captain’s Log, Personal

Stuff about me, my life, my reflections, relationships, and the like.

Obligatory year end review

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Yes, everyone does it, but why not?  A year in review:

My first full year as an assistant store manager at Family Dollar.

I stepped down as president of Allentown Film Crew, a community filmmaking group.   I held the group together and got a project filmed two years ago with little support, and set up some workshops and guest speakers for meetings over the last year, but didn’t have the energy or the gumption to follow through on ideas I had.   Stability turned to stagnation.  I decided to let someone else take the reins and take a supporting role for myself.  My friend and original member, Trisha Thompson took those proverbial reins.  I may have created a monster.  wink,wink, nudge, nudge

I started this blog.

I attended my 25th class reunion.  Still can’t believe I’m that old.

First full year of having adopted cat Smokey, to whom Wiley has been amazingly receptive after being the sole cat of the house for ten years.

I lost another 15 pounds, added to the 25 lost in the previous two years.

Things I’ve learned:

Even people who are friendly with you at a retail store will steal right under your nose.

Coworkers will talk smack about you to no end.  Everyone’s a critic – of everything you do.  I bury the judgments and criticisms I feel toward others and then resent the overt negative talk from others, because I don’t have the gumption to dish it out.  And then get over it.

When assertiveness doesn’t come naturally, it’s a life long effort to keep doing it.  If you’re not assertive, people will walk all over you, leave you out in the cold, and have a lower opinion of you.

Anxiety, paranoia and resentment are inhibitive of personal growth.

Man was not made to live in a vacuum.  I need to find a partner in 2015.

It’s a struggle to keep seeing the positive in humanity, but it’s worth the effort to keep trying.

Putting your foot down about something can cause friction, but will be for the better in the long run.

I’ll probably add more later.

In the meantime, have a prosperous year as you pursue long time interests and dreams.  You’ll find some kind of satisfaction and fulfillment, no matter what the final outcome.

 

Cold Comforts

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This isn’t what it sounds like.  It’s actually about things that bring comfort on cold days/nights:

 

A warm, soft, purring cat in my lap.

SAMSUNG

 

That warm tingling when your hands finally start to warm up after being outside.

 

The layered look.  Layering up keeps you warm and looks cool.  No pun intended.

 

Snuggling under the covers, being thankful for shelter and warmth in the cold of night.

 

 

 A steamy hot shower.

 

 Reading by candlelight.

Wearing that great coat you bought on clearance last year for the first time.

 

 

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A warm sunbeam through the window.

 

Knowing you don’t have to go out in the cold on your day off.

 

 

 

Leaving office

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For the past several years, I’ve been president of a group called Allentown Film Crew.  We aren’t a film appreciation group.  We actually make short films.  On average, two of them a year.

The group was started about 7 years ago through meetup.com.  There was a hiatus after the first two projects that lasted about a year and a half.  Another original member and myself got it going again, kind of by accident.  We planned on having some kind of reunion event, but scheduling something on a weekend wasn’t working, so we just met on our old Tuesday night and the rest is history.  It was at least six months before we decided we needed officers.  I was elected president.   I didn’t really do a lot until one of the co-leaders left.  At that point, I held the group together and we produced a film, the only one that year.

Now, I’m in the last few weeks of my tenure.  I announced to the group that I was stepping down as president toward the end of this month (Sept.).  Don’t worry, there was no scandal or any shady dealings.  The reasons I cited in my email to the other three members of the leadership team were to free up time for other interests and looking for a better job.  Also, I stated to them that I simply didn’t want to do it anymore, and therefore, couldn’t do it justice.

When I subsequently announced to the rest of the group at our meeting August 26th, one of the more outspoken members immediately asked why.  I gave similar reasons.  Later that night, I found myself asking why don’t I want to do it?  I mean, I don’t, and that’s the main reason for my decision when it comes down to it.  But why don’t I want to?

It’s been good for me in that it has helped me build leadership skills, get more organized, network and the like.  (I still have plenty of room for improvement in all those areas.)  I also facilitated the meetings and have gotten much more comfortable talking in front of a group.

While the group has grown a lot and I had no small part in that, I can’t say that I’ve accomplished everything I wanted to, so that’s not a reason for shedding the mantle of leadership.   It’s definitely not a people problem.  It’s a great bunch of people.  I haven’t lost interest in film or writing.  At least, no more than anything else when I’m feeling low on energy or depressed.  Ok, there’s part of it.  The thing is, I’m always glad I went to a meeting, even if I didn’t feel like it beforehand.  So, of course, I’m staying involved, just not as president.

 

(CONT.)  Didn’t finish my draft.  It’s now Tuesday, October 14.

We had the first group meeting that I wasn’t president tonight.  I still wound up facilitating due to the new president being unable to get there by the start time because of her work schedule.  So, it wasn’t a lot different at this point.  It did give me a chance to reflect and I feel that I’ve made the right decision.  Trisha, the new prez, has a lot more energy and enthusiasm than I have.  I guess it is largely due to depression, after all.  I suppress it, but it’s there.  Part of that is being alone, no significant other.  That’s a topic for another post.

Some of Trisha’s ideas are similar to my own.  The difference is, she will follow through on them.  So, I’m happy to pass the reigns while staying involved in a group that makes films.  That was a long time aspiration of mine and I’m doing it.  Not professionally, albeit, but I’m in it.  I’m not sitting home nights that I don’t work, feeling sorry for myself or watching the idiot box, and Allentown Film Crew is going strong, largely thanks to me (during the aforementioned critical time).

So this post comes to an end, not as the perfect Hollywood happy ending, but as the more real indie style mixed happy ending.  I’m at peace with the degree of accomplishment I achieved, though not what I’d hoped, and I’m still part of something pretty special and unique.

Allentown Film Crew