Captain’s Log, Personal

Stuff about me, my life, my reflections, relationships, and the like.

A season for change

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In nature, spring is, of course, the time of renewal.  Trees budding, flowers blooming, wildlife rearing young.  But, for people, we grow up with the new school year starting in fall, going away to college, football season starts, and for many workers, vacations for the year are done and the busy time of year gets underway.

So, I always thought of fall as the time of renewal. Besides school, I started a couple different jobs in the fall, and I moved out on my own for the first time one September.  I tended to seek out new things as autumn moved in. I joined a film making group one fall, started volunteering at an independent film theater another year.

Then, over the years, I started to lose that association of renewal with fall. Any schooling was a distant memory, started my current job in the spring about three and a half years ago. I haven’t really done anything new in the autumn for a long time.

So, while it’s fall now, where I am, maybe the new theme should be renewal anytime. I hope to get my writing back on track now,  not just posting here, but working on writing projects. I’m not working overtime right now since it’s temporarily unavailable. That makes it a good time to renew and get into good habits, so that when I have less time, I can still do what I need to do in my off hours.

In other words, there’s no better time than the present. While it’s okay to associate a certain time with renewing or trying new things, the flip side is that you don’t need to save something special for that time.  Anytime is a great time to grow,  or renew, or branch out, connect or reconnect.

So, wish me luck on my creative endeavors and get busy with your own! Carpe diem!

More things I learned from my cats

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One of my two cats seems to get more and more affectionate and, well, cuddly, in the last year or so. He’s about five years old. He’s a big fella but doesn’t seem to realize it. He likes to get up on my chest right up by my chin while I’m sitting on the sofa, or even out on the deck.

It’s hard to see over him and I get fur in my face, but I don’t mind. Tonight, while he was doing that on the deck, he slid over against my arm, which was resting on the armrest, his head resting on my belly. It was the epitome of total relaxation.

He was so thoroughly cozy and comfy. You could tell he felt as safe and content as any creature could. I wish I could feel that way. I really can’t think of a time, since being a small child in my parents arms, that I felt so safe, comfortable and relaxed. I know I’ve never had a long term significant other, but I don’t know if any adults feel that secure, do they?

I suppose it depends on the ability to give, or receive, unconditional love. That includes two-way trust. My cat couldn’t even ideate betrayal of trust, and my brother and I are not capable of mistreatment of any creature, especially one as loving as this. He also doesn’t have the human concerns and responsibilities of subsistence and such things. So, maybe it’s a little easier for Smokey to veg out in total comfort and security.

Well, of course it is. But when I look down at his furry little face resting on my arm, I get a moment of that peace and comfort, vicariously.  Everyone needs to have some peaceful, quiet moments to reflect. The world would be a better place if we could all do that.

Spoiler alert

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When I was in first grade, the teacher got everyone in the class a thoughtful gift, which we opened in class the last day before Christmas break.  I didn’t tear into the wrapping quite as voraciously as some students did.  The first one to pull the gift free from its packaging, held it up and triumphantly showed it off.

It was a drink cup with a Santa Claus drawn on it and our faces placed on the Santa. The Santas and the Merry Christmas message were under the plastic, which was pretty innovative for the late ’70’s. Our faces were cut out of the class picture by hand and glued on. It must have taken a lot of time. Miss Dobes, as she was named then, remains one of my all time favorite teachers.

Back to the unwrapping. I don’t know why, but I was so very disappointed that the surprise had been ruined by the quick opener kid, so much so, that I lambasted him for it. I think I was near tears.  I sure laid a guilt trip on that kid. Other kids and the teacher backed me up, perhaps just because I had felt so strongly about it and they empathized with me. He didn’t really do anything wrong, though.

I’m still not really sure why it bothered me that much, but I don’t like having a surprise ruined to this day.  I guess I’m still a kid at heart. I’ve known people who will tell you not to worry about telling them all about a movie, even if they plan to see it. They don’t care if they know what’s going to happen.  I can’t understand that. I think most of us are more like me that day in first grade.  That’s why we say, “Spoiler alert!” in conversation or on social media.

What is it about surprises? Partly, it’s the inner child thing. We like to be delighted, or to have a moment of excitement, something beyond the normal everyday goings on.

I think it’s also a very genuine experience to be surprised in a good way. There’s no time to build it up, or knock it down. There’s no pretense, no spin, no analysis.  You just live the moment. You feel it. You savor it, and remember it with a smile.