getting along

The (un)Wisdom of Age

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Some of my coworkers of the last several years who are several years older than me, have often said that they have “no filter”. Meaning that they don’t care what others think or who might be offended by what they say, which reflects what they think, of course. When I first heard this, I thought it was a negative thing, like, if the majority of people hearing something you said are offended, maybe there’s a reason. I think there’s validity to that thinking, but maybe they’re not all wrong.

I don’t mean that it’s ok to go around offending people left and right, but in these days, almost anything you say can spark offense or controversy with someone. There’s a fine line between what’s offensive and what’s just challenging or even questioning, in an objective ponderous way. We’ve become so polarized by political differences and divisive leaders that we have forgotten how to disagree agreeably. I don’t claim to be above this or that I’ve never been divisive, but I try not to be. It especially helps when someone I know and respect reminds me that they might agree with some of the things that I rail about.

So, it’s good to not let the approval/non approval of others to shape your personality or beliefs, or to stifle your voice, but maybe your coworkers, friends, friends of friends, parents of friends, family of significant others, church members and others can help remind us that we are all in this together and that we, the people, the working schlubs who are the backbone of this country and the world economy, are not all that different. The powers that be among the super wealthy and the upper levels of government, industry and society are the ones who can’t get along and push their own agendas on the rest of us, often to our detriment.

Last fall, two gay friends and I sat in a crowded pub after playing pickleball by the invite of a couple who invited us to join them at their table. We chatted about general things while the Phillies lost a key game in the playoffs, which disappointed us all. The longer we talked, the more I sensed they weren’t totally liberal, but they also weren’t spouting right wing aggression at us. We all got along and even commented on that. They were really nice people and I wouldn’t have cared if they were Trumpers. They were just people. Middle class people who have had similar life experiences and came from similar backgrounds and lived in the same area. I could relate to them. Politicians from all over the country and vastly different socio-economic roots can’t seem to do what the rest of us do: find common ground.

Maybe we should just keep firing them all every 2, 4, or 6 years, depending on the length of their terms.

We’re all in this together

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With so much division in our nation, right now,  it’s hard for any of us to remember a frequent theme of mine: “We’re all in this together.” I must admit I too have had many an argument on Facebook,  and tweeted or re-tweeted some harshly worded political messages. Some of my social media friends may find it hard to believe, but I’ve actually refrained from posting things many times because I feel like everyone is sick of it.

So how do we breach the divide? How do we, the common folk, the labor force, the consumers, the middle class, work together? Wait, we do it everyday.  At our jobs, at the grocery store, in the doctor’s office waiting room, at the fair or the park, and many times, coming together in a crisis.

I work with one woman who hates Trump and one who whole-heartedly supports him. The funny thing is, I (and many of my coworkers) don’t like the person who shares my ideology, while I enjoy conversation with the opposing one. We never talk politics, but who needs to?

Perhaps, we need a middle-of-the-road third party to replace these privileged politicians, these manipulating players, these bickering bureaucrats.

I think, when it comes down to it, we all want the same thing. Safety, security for the present and the future for our families and friends, and everyone else, and a little extra for fun stuff, and, of course, someone special to share it all with.

Obviously, there’s a great deal of disagreement on how to achieve that, but the answer is usually somewhere in between the extremes. We all feel helpless and angry at different times when major events occur that we have no control over.   Maybe that’s why there are so many social media “debates”. It’s all we can do. Doesn’t help, does it?

Personally, I think we’re all being played by the rich and powerful as they consolidate their wealth and influence. Divide and conquer. We are certainly divided.

So, let’s try our best to remember that we truly are all in this together. We’re all just trying to get by, muddling through as best we can.

The pettiness principle

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I learned last week that one of the bosses where I work had just lost the man she had been with for years. A day or so after that, there was a sympathy card circulating for people to sign, and they were taking donations for Forgotten Felines, which was a cause the man who passed had supported.

I was going to sign the card right when I got there that morning, but someone else was signing it and people were standing around talking, so I decided to get it later. A few minutes later,  the person who was keeping the card at her desk, gave me a heads up.

It seemed there were a few people who felt that one shouldn’t sign the card if they don’t make a donation.  I just said, “wow.” My coworker said, “Yeah, tell me about it.”  I hadn’t thought too much about donating, but I probably would have done it. But now, it seemed like some were trying to force it, or was it about who gets credit for the money collected? Who knows?

My thought was to get my own card and give it to my boss and forgo the donation, or give independently online rather than giving it at work.  I was actually going to do that. You know, on principle. To stand up to the tyranny of the petty ones.  Then I saw the light.

Would that not make me as petty as they? I’ve been getting fed up with some people that work there, but perhaps this was not the time to revolt. Choose your battles, right? I gave a few bucks to the cause (that’s all I had with me), and I signed the card.

No big deal.  For me.  But my  boss was dealing with a real issue, the loss of a loved one. It’s amazing how you can get caught up in the peripheral issues and forget the important one.

It’s also very easy to get dragged down to the level of those who want to complain and play tit for tat. It’s not fair if they keep getting away with it, one might say. Someone has to do something, put them in their place. The problem is, you end up in the midst of a continual game of action and reaction, insult and retaliation, animosity and resentment.

I’d rather continue as I have been, staying out of it, not letting it bother me, and try to treat everyone with respect and amicability. It’s been working for me so far. I get along with nearly everyone, and if not, I don’t lose any sleep. It’s their problem.

I think it’s a good approach, as long as it doesn’t become a case of being afraid of conflict or trying to please everyone. If a person says something racist or personally insulting to another, for example, and you witness it, then that’s different.

The real loss here is that people spend so much time and energy complaining and making things difficult for each other, instead of working together, solving problems, sharing insights, and all that good stuff. Things that we can do to help each other and make the work day more pleasant, instead of creating and feeding an oppressive or gloomy atmosphere.

Don’t they know? (I haven’t said it for a while.) We’re all in this together.

I’ve said it before. There’s whole worlds to discover in the lives of the people around us. Go exploring!