Personal Reflections

The me first syndrome

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I was going into the pharmacy today to pick up a prescription refill when I saw a woman walking swiftly toward the entrance just a little farther off than I was. I entered first, but she walked right around me up the main aisle to the pharmacy at the back of the store. You should note that it’s a particularly busy chain store pharmacy and the line is sometimes 8-10 people deep, extending down the aisle.

I hate people who always have to be first, like the ones who cut you off because they had to pass a few more cars, or just you, before getting to the merge point ahead. Don’t they realize you won’t get home from work any significant amount of time earlier?  It really doesn’t make a difference. You get one green light, to get to the next one just as it turns red. It averages out.

So, when this woman was speed walking past me, I just let her go. And turned into a side aisle to try and cut her off, thinking the line would be at the end of the aisle. She got there first, and there was no line anyway. Still, bitch beat me. Oh, wait, I’m not supposed to care. Okay, I guess I caught, temporarily, the me first syndrome. But that’s the only time…

…aside from the time the guy in the Lexus SUV came racing up on the right just to get ahead of me before his lane ended. I did not get right on his bumper and lay on the horn. I did not do the same when he deliberately took his time when he turned off the road. I definitely did not flip him the bird. Rich prick. Oops. Did it again. Ok, so there were a bunch of times. But I’m learning.

Why is it that negative behavior spreads so much more easily than positive? I guess it’s our evolutionary competitive instinct, survival of the fittest and all that. But, we’re not animals. (Well, technically we are, mammals.) Even so, humans can reason and recondition themselves to achieve a more enlightened existence and a sense of community, of brotherhood/sisterhood. Sure, we’re still going to get annoyed while driving and want to keep up with the Jones’, but it needn’t control us or anger us when we don’t come out on top. You can’t win ’em all.

While we want to always win, it’s inevitable to lose sometimes, whether a minor loss on the commute, or something more significant, we can learn from losing to someone from time to time.  Humility, acceptance, recognizing our limits, etc.

But if you truly transcend the whole contest, you realize, there’s no need to even feel as if you lost something if someone bests you. (I’m talking about the minor stuff here.) And as far as the major stuff, be satisfied that you did the best you could, that you learned something, or whatever the case may be.

So, don’t take it personally when you get cut off driving, or someone cuts in line. Let them live that way if they want. You can be content with the way things are. If they want to wait in line for hours to be the first to get the latest video game system, let them. If they want to get further in debt to get a nicer, pricier new car, or a bigger grill, addition to the house…. who cares? Be happy with what you can achieve and share with family and friends. Share and empathize, instead of hoard and alienate. Help instead of kicking while they’re down, and don’t catch the Me First Syndrome, because we’re all in this together.

A Closer Walk, Part III

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A brief intro for those who didn’t see Part I and II, in case you don’t have time to go back and catch up on them. As a gay Christian, I’ve had a hard time reconciling what I was taught with the reality of who I am and knowing that this is the way God created me. After a long gap from church attendance, I started going to a gay friendly church a year and a few months ago. I never got around to telling my parents that it was a “gay church”. Couldn’t seem to find the right time, or didn’t feel like “getting into it”.

Back in November, the pastor of my church had an article published in the local paper, which she does from time to time.  The article mentions her female spouse. My mom saw this article, so the cat was out of the bag. She wrote me a note, speaking for herself and my dad. She also included some scripture references which I’ll include at the end of this post.

First, I’d like to point out the irony that the article is entitled “Desperately seeking unconditional love”. My pastor cites a line from the writings of Parker Palmer in “A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward the Undivided Life”. The excerpt in part: “the people who help us grow toward true self offer unconditional love, neither judging us to be deficient nor trying to force us to change but accepting us exactly as we are.” You see the irony, right? Funny thing is, I missed it at first because I was so focused on the scripture references from Mom and eager to find my own to refute them.

Perhaps I am desperately seeking the unconditional love of my mother. She says in her note that “nothing could ever dampen our love for you, nor could we remove ourselves from your life” but that they were responsible as parents to “speak the truth” to me.

I mentioned in Part II that I wanted to write a letter in response. A friend of mine commented that we should just agree to disagree. That is likely to be the outcome, but I think I need to have the conversation.

One reaction to the note from Mom was, unexpectedly, anger. I feel insulted that she (they) think I’m somehow being sinful or disobedient, or that my soul is in danger. I am saved. I don’t need to be “snatched from the fire”. Jesus already did that. How dare she condemn me? I needed to get that out.

Now to the details. As I expected, the first scripture cited was Leviticus 18:22: “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman. That is detestable.” Leviticus also forbids tattoos among many other things and says women should separate themselves from the community when they have their period. Those are the old laws of the Old Covenant (another word for Old Testament). Jesus died and rose again to set us free from all that. He is the New Covenant.

I’m not a Biblical scholar, but I’m pretty sure Jesus never mentioned homosexuality or being gay. The scriptures Mom cited from the New Testament are all about general morality. Some kind of disprove her own point, like Romans 8:38-39. ” For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” 

Being gay, then, does not separate one from God.

The good thing in all this is that I still see my parents often. They and my sister visit at my brother’s and my house often. We’ve always been a close family, and a matriarchal family. I still enjoy talking on the phone with my mom and I know if I write her a response, she will read it. I just hope she reads it to absorb what I’m saying and not just to find points to contradict. We’ll see.

I’ve already received suggested readings from friends. Your comments are welcome as I ready my response to “the note”.

Below are the scripture references:

Ephesians 5: 3-7 3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7 Therefore do not be partners with them.

Colossians 3: 5-6 5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature:sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.

I Timothy 2:19   Nevertheless, God’s solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: “The Lord knows those who are his,” and, “Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness.”

II Timothy 3: 16-17   16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the servant of God[a]may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

John 17:12   While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by[c] that name you gave me. None has been lost except the one doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled.

Romans 8:31b, 37   31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us,who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns?No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

II Timothy 2:25-26   25 Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26 and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.

Jude 20, 22:   20 But you, dear friends, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, 21 keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life. 22 Be merciful to those who doubt; 23 save others by snatching them from the fire; to others show mercy, mixed with fear—hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.

 

3 on 3/16/18 vs. 19

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Friday (3/16/18) was my three year anniversary at my job. It’s easy to remember the date, since it’s also my brother’s birthday.

A friend and coworker of mine, who shall remain nameless to respect privacy, had his 19 year anniversary about a week prior. It struck me what a different perspective the two milestones represent.

For my friend, not a notable event. He didn’t even realize it was his anniversary date until I mentioned it. I only knew because they post birthdays and work anniversary dates among other things on a bulletin board in the hall. I knew it wasn’t an exciting milestone for him and that he would rather be someplace else. I didn’t say this to him, because I totally get how he feels, but it is still an accomplishment. One shouldn’t beat themselves up for overstaying at a place where you’re comfortable instead of seeking new endeavors. Many people do it. There’s no shame in it. I support him in looking for something that utilizes his talents. He’s a good artist.

As for me, I’ve had five jobs in that time, and had a break from work for a while for medical reasons. The five jobs include the current one.  All of my past jobs paid very poorly. Not that I’m going to get rich at this one, but it’s better than where I was, and I get overtime.

So, when I look back three years, I’m thankful for where I am now. Although, I did get some good blog fodder at my last job, Assistant Manager at Family Dollar. (Check it out.) Mostly, I hated it, though. I had some great coworkers that made it bearable, and some nice regular customers. But, I couldn’t imagine doing 19 years there. So, I guess I know how my friend feels, or can imagine.

I remember feeling embarrassed telling people what I was doing at my 25th class reunion a few years ago, still at Family Dollar.  I quickly added that it was a stepping stone job every time I mentioned it. I was a top student in school. Of course, I know, I shouldn’t have been embarrassed. After all, they don’t know what led me there, or what I had to overcome.

Now, people say it sounds like a cool job when I tell them what I do. I don’t say that it’s actually really tedious. I do microfilming of material, mostly newspapers, for preservation. I started in the digital department doing Quality Assurance, then digital scanning of books, documents, slides, etc. I’ve also done prep for the microfilm department. So, I haven’t even done the same thing day in and day out for the three years I’ve been there. It went fast, and yet many days seem to crawl by.

I have no intention of being in my friends place 16 years from now. If I am, I’ll ask him to give me a good kick in the ass. He’ll understand. But seriously, I hope to write my way out of there.

It’s good motivation to write, when I think how it got to be three years already, and how unhappy I’d be if I hit nineteen years.  I don’t think that will happen though. I know I was put on this earth for a reason, and I intend to fulfill it.

I’ll look for inspiration and use my determination and talent to be the man God meant me to be. Life is what you make it, right? I feel like I’m giving myself a pep talk, but I hope you may benefit from my words. Maybe you’re happy in your job, or retired, but we all have dreams. Dare to pursue them, and take any help you can get along the way, because we’re all in this together.